Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Emancipation Proclamation

Based upon my last blog, I was pondering what I could accomplish in 2 months. I decided it definitely had to do with Self. It had to be something empowering...something uplifting...something life altering.

I perused my daily routine and realized only three days after I wrote the last blog what I needed to do:

After suffering from a cycle of disrespect and lovin' that dates back to last year...I am in the kitchen, EJH is in my bedroom watching television.

Me: (running into bedroom to answer cell phone) Hello?
TSB: What's wrong with you?
Me: Nothing...What do you mean?
TSB: I just called you.
Me: (turning toward EJH who was alone in my room briefly) Did you answer my cell phone?
EJH: Yep...Who is TSB?...Why he call you so much?
TSB: (on cell phone) I knew that wasn't you. I was talking and then I just hung up.
Me: He think we fuckin'!

*** the back of the head from EJH to me***

Me: (stunned) Lemme call you back!
EJH: (filled with rage) Don't you ever disrespect me in front of your friends!
Me: (shocked and awed)
EJH: I didn't mean to hit you. I'm sorry. You be making me mad.
Me: Okay (walks out of room)

Now I am in my living room terribly disappointed because this is a reenactment of last year. And this nigga, of course, promised that "he had changed!" I know that a confrontation right now would fuel the flame so I ignore my anger and make him believe that I accept his apology. He makes plans to spend the night. I cringe. I lay in the dark. He asks me to hold him. I shrink while throwing my weak arm around his waist. Morning didn't come fast enough. He left for work. Called me several times throughout the day. Finally I answered.

Me: Hello?
EJH: What you doing?
Me: Nothing
EJH: What's wrong?
EJH: You still love me?
Me: I don't think we can be together.
EJH: Is this your way of being with TSB?
EJH: Hope y'all have a good life together.
click...dial tone.

I knew that that was too easy. Within a weeks time, he had called relentlessly. I refused to answer the phone. He left crazy messages. He circled the parking lot of my apartment complex nightly. He attempted to kick the door in when he saw my silhouette as I peeked through the blinds to see where he was in the parking lot. He left notes on my door. He called one of my best friends at work and made up one of the worst lies I thought possible. It really showed his character.

I filed a stalking temporary protective order against him. He was served the papers the following day.

Knocked on my door begging to talk for "10 seconds." The door never opened. Ran into him at The Lion's Den. Whispered in my ear to "please just talk to me for 2 seconds." Made the same request from my friend that I was out with. Both refused.

Today 11-19-2003
He and I appeared before the court and signed a permanent restraining order barring contact. We never exchanged a glance nor a word.

I am empowered...uplifted...and my life has been altered.

Now I gotta deal with the emotional baggage...

No comments: