Friday, February 27, 2004

I need to see a man about a horse ~ Phrase Finder

I have this intriguing curiosity with what I call conference aphrodisia as noted by my attendance at another meeting back in September. It simply amazes me how people can allow perceived anonymity or the controlled environment of the host hotel and meeting sessions to drive sexual prowess. Nevertheless, more time and work was required of the participants at this recent meeting so there was less "promiscuity" as far as I could tell. *Note: High prevalence of homosexuals in my field.

Day I
This dreadfully loc'ed honeycombed Adonis sat in a panel before me. As he gazed into the audience, I couldn't help but stare until our eyes met. Then an uncomfortable disconnect appeared out of nowhere as we realized that our attention should be paid to the speaker, not on one another. But he saw me. I saw him. Mission accomplished.

Day II
me: (sitting at the bar smoking a cigarette like Bernadine)
middle aged black male: (walks by and grabs my shoulder while leaning into my left ear in passing) It's gonna be hard for me to read down here now that you've arrived...
me: (startled) Oh whatever... (laughter)

Passed Adonis in the hall. We exchanged niceties. I complement him on his sense of humor from an earlier presentation. No indepth conversation. We continued to speak in passing for the remainder of the week.

Day V
me: (answering hotel phone) Hello?
caller: Hey! I remembered your name from your badge and got your room number from the front desk. You sat next to me in the computer lab. Remember?
me: Yeah. How are you?
caller: I've seen you around this week and I've been wanting to say hello but you seem a little standoffish. When you smiled and chit chatted in the computer lab today I was like, "Wow, he's friendly."
me: (laughter)

I agreed to meet this new acquaintance (not Adonis) in the bar and we continued the stimulating conversation.

Day VI
Last day. I called nessa/e.badu for an update and casually mentioned the state of conference aphrodisia.

nessa: Adonis?...tall, light-skinned, dreads, from that city? Work for the Agency?
me: (reluctant) yeah?!
nessa: That's Lamentation's ol' piece.
me: You lying!
nessa: He's married now.
me: To who?
nessa: Some boy that work for another Agency. Got a house together and everything...
me: You lying!
nessa: Argghhhh!! I need to see a man about a horse!! Hold on...lemme call Lamentation on 3-way...

I continued to gag into the night. How easily angels fall from Heaven...

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Trial of the Century

Claire from SprintPCS: You have one new message. Message one:
Ol' Piece: What the Hell is going on? You owe me an explanation. What was this morning about? I don't get you. Your attitude is intolerable. You got issues, man. Exhale into the receiver... And I figured you wouldn't answer your phone. This has been a waste of time.
me: (thinking) If one more person tells me about my attitude!?!? What the f*ck!? Am I...? I'll reflect on that later...

Email to Ol' Piece

Ol' Piece,

You continue to amaze me with your cluelessness!!! You said, "I owe you an explanation!?" Huh!?

Last night before you finally went to bed, you asked "Are you still mad?" To me, this denotes some wrongdoing or discernment of unresolved issues. Therefore, you're not as baffled as you're making yourself seem.

For the record, let me break it down for you:

1. On yesterday, you made arrangements for dinner of some sort. You never finalized those plans.

2. You showed up unannounced around 11pm with an attitude about work issues unrelated to me. I tolerated it.

3. You left around 11:30pm to get YOURSELF something to eat. What happened to dinner?

4. You returned at 4:00am from Thugged Out Tuesday wide eyed and bushy tailed and disturbing my sleep. Your response, "You're normally up around this time!" No, YOU'RE normally up around that time. I go to bed when I am not up entertaining you.

5. You proceed to rumble around the apartment in and out of the and out of the bathroom...making phone calls...turning lights on...all while I was trying to go back to sleep. How respectful was that? Was it in retribution for not hopping out of bed when you arrived?

6. I wake up this morning and you are all covered with my blanket. I only have the sheet. And that's not coincidental!

In addition, it seems as though boundaries were crossed and miscommunicated. I mistakenly gave you an all-access pass to my apartment. Do you not realize the countless number of days you spent the night, took showers, cooked/ate, watched tv, washed clothes, etc.? You even had in/out priveledges because many times I was not even home! Do you not realize the number of times you loaded the dishwasher, cleaned out the oven, washed out the tub, made the bed, vaccumed the floor, etc.? I do. Zero! Unfortunately, sleeping to 3pm daily and not even getting up to wash a dish is unattractive to me. I made the mistake of allowing you to lay up all day long (alone if I went to work) and not making it clear that we were not roommates and that MY name was on the lease. Simply put, you got too comfortable.

Nevertheless, don't feel like you've wasted your time. I know I didn't. I enjoyed getting to know you. I still think you're a great person. In our first real conversation you asked, "What turns you off?" I replied, "Laziness/lack of ambition and people who are caught up in the 'top/bottom' issue of sex" amongst other things. Those are two issues that we have DEFINITELY dealt with. Whether we overcame them or not is questionable. I guess that is the real reason why we are where we're at. I promise you that anytime that you've felt that I've had an "attitude problem," I could trace it back to one of those issues. I guess the question then becomes, did I communicate those issues well. Probably not. I know I made plenty of comments related to laziness and we had numerous tugs of war as it related to I know I tried.

Other than that, I don't know what else to say...

The Rebuttal:


I am amazed at just how much of an asshole you can be.

Lack of ambition, laziness...Those are not words that can be used to desribe me.

And how many times have I, without thanks gone to the grocery store to keep something in YOUR refrigerator.

Now, about dinner last night. I didn't get my money so I couldn't take you out or pick something up. And I went out by myself because I never seem to be able to talk to you about how I am feeling and what is bothering me, so I wind up having to deal with them on my own.

In the beginning you said something to me...."if you want something done, you had better do it yourself." You swear that none of this was you.

The top and bottom shit, could have been worked out, but I am glad that I didn't let that shit happen. You definitely didn't derserve that from me. You can find someone else to blast at, and then turnaround and try and have.

See, you are so good at picking out someone elses faults but, what have you done lately. And the open access to your place...thanks.... You must not think I am really a great person...check the insults in your previous email.

Deal with the shit that's real, and stop avoiding it. You are mad because I came in and turned on lights and tried to wake you up? I remember you doing me the same way, but you actually got my full attention. Yea, I was drunk and I wanted to be with you, but as usual your feelings comes first. You need someone who is going to keep score and count the things you do and don't do. The problem is, I am not that person. You need someone who doesn't mind being molded and transformed. Again, I am not the one. You need someone who is going to just accept your shit with a smile.... Once again, I am not the one. You need someone you can talk down to and looked down on; not this one.

You will be by yourself until you learn to give a little homie, and that has nothing to do with access to your apartment. You need to learn that not everyone is out to get you. I will tell you this, I have been who you are now, and I didn't understand why I couldn't keep people around me. My friends were there but no one else was. I was fucking and shit, but that's about it...I couldn't get them to stick around past that. You are cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, selfish, unhappy, and very confused. I may be "clueless", but I am in no way thoughtless.

Welcome to your future....And to think, I really was thinking that I could be with you long term. I guess GOD does reveal things to you right on time......

The Cross Examination

Ol' Piece,

You asked for an explanation. What I wrote previously is as blunt as I could make what is running through my mind right now...asshole or not!?

Yes, you went to the grocery store...FOR YOU!!! Aside from several 2-liter Kroger sodas, most things purchased were for your own consumption. I don't really like pizza, candy, or bread...remember?

Did you try to talk about what you were feeling last night or did you run away? Not once did you explain the dinner situation. Was I supposed to psychically find out that you didn't get your money? I would have paid for dinner. I was waiting on you, hungrily.

I have no regrets about anything that we did sexually.

My faults:

Do you prefer I go on?

You were drunk and wanted to be with me? Explaining #'s 1-6 from the previous email would have been a great aphrodisiac.

I don't need anyone to keep score. I do that fine myself. :-)

Mold and transform are such strong words. To me, it's just compromise and agreements.

I don't need anyone to accept my shit and smile. If I'm right, I'm right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I need someone of comparable strength and tenacity to point these things out.

I don't need someone to talk down to or look down upon. If that were the case, I would be satisfied with the lazy/less ambitious person.

And my most recent problems have been related to getting people to NOT stick around, i.e. restraining orders.

"cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, selfish, unhappy, and very confused" seems a little too harsh. But I'll marinate on it.

Finally, I think you are a wonderful person. Truly I do. Although we've bumped heads on most issues that we've discussed, I too felt as though I was putting up with alot. You are worthwhile. And I am still open to you. I don't know what the problem is with our communication. Alot of what I've said has been on my mind but I never quite wanted to say it for fear of being "cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, and selfish." Should I shut up, hold it in, drink, go to the club or bitch? I've done it all.

I fear we may have moved too fast without getting to know each other. Shit, I don't know.

Closing Argument


I know that you are not the person that I tend to get. Compromise is not what you seek. You seek to make me something that I am not. Lazy, I will tell you this; there are several things that I could be doing with my day and nights, but the fact that I play and coach is what I want to be doing right now. That doesn't make me less ambitous and definitely doesn't make me lazy. I owe it to myself to do what I feel is right for me. I am the only person I live for.

I am so sorry for not making it clear what was wrong with me, but I was bothered by our phone conversations. I will not lie to you and say that I am over you. You are so important to me and I only wanted to make you happy, but it always seemed to come at my expense. I didn't know that the things I was doing bothered you. I wish that I could wave a wand and make shit right for us, but I don't know how to baby. Communication is our big problem. I am missing what you want me to see, and you are definitely missing me on levels. I just want you to be calm and real with me. If I piss you off that much then we should not be around each other at all. I need a healthy amount of reading, but I also need to feel like you want me. I don't feel that at all. My faults are not something that I have thought about, and that's absolutely crazy, but its the truth. I have spent so much time blaming you and being mad at you, that I missed my time in the mirror. I am very non confrontational now, and that is so not me. I would rather run away from issues with people than deal with them.

I am very sorry for the things I haven't done, but you are still an asshole...

All I can say is...touche'

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

The short weekend began with longing ~ Harvey Pekar

I was under the assumption that I had survived this past weekend until I received this email:

Hi Whits!

I just wanted to thank you for that gorgeous blouse! It's so me. Sorry, but I donated all of my red to Lamentations, I'll keep you in mind next

I sent you an evite for Lamentations' party--thanks for the idea.

I also wanted to let you know what a supreme bitch you were on Saturday night. I know that you are a Delta, so we will eternally be different, but it can't be fun being that nasty. I was really shocked. Ironically, Lamentations contends that he knows that side to you, and consequently, was not shocked; though I know you are a supreme bitch, you have never made me feel unwelcomed in your home, but I guess that's a Delta for ya...go figure.

Well, it's your life...



ps. Gee, I wonder why your pieces are not only crazy, but act the total fool!--co-thought of Lamentations.

I replied:

You're welcome for the blouse!

I look forward to the evite.

"Supreme bitch," never that. I think you and Lamentations may have misinterpreted my mood. I am unable to be as animated and dramatic as you two seem to be 24/7. There are times wherein I simply want quiet conversation and tranquil moments. I think the two of you may have expected a "party hardy" personality, when that wasn't what I was feeling. Yes, it was a Saturday night...and the two of you did come from a festive tea at Chili's...but nonetheless, I was home arguing with one of my pieces on the phone and waiting on Gianni to arrive. Two opposing mood altering evenings which collided together in my home.

And I never expected one to feel unwelcome either. I thought my somber mood was identifiable by the phone conversation prior to you all's arrival. I should have taken that opportunity to say, "not tonight." But I felt that that would have been rude. And then too, I also recall hearing Lamentations say in the background, "Whatever Whits, we coming anyway!" It wasn't a problem though. I just assumed that the two of you knew my mood.

And what was so rude anyway? I probably should have provided more sitting area. But other than that, we laughed at Saturday Night Live, read Kelis, etc. The only awkard moment was when Lamentations asked, "What's so funny Whits?" And I wasn't laughing and stated such. After all was said and done, I then called Lamentations' cell to report that Gianni and I were going to Bulldogs as you requested. But I'm still the bitch.

Nevertheless, I do apologize for any hurt feelings. That was never my intention.

Finally, let us be in wonderment of our own pieces and/or the lack thereof, in any regards to how it may or may not relate to any perceived personality flaws.


Drama! And I swear that I am NOT upset. I also know that there are two sides to every story, but that is how I see it. I felt attacked by the email and felt the need to defend myself. Nevertheless, Lamentations' party is this Saturday, so I hope everything is resolved by then.

Friday, February 13, 2004

Friday the 13th

I'm not superstitious, but I assumed that because the sun finally decided to appear in Atlanta today that all would be good.

So I psyched myself into taking a realistic thought into what tomorrow is, that b*tch ass punk muthaf*cka St. Valentine, and then I realized that I have totally eliminated all of my recent possibilities for love.

I was working with a good pool of four delectable goodies. That four has dwindled ever so fast to ZERO! I'm picky, but not that damn picky!

Now it's on...

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Dance is the hidden language of the soul, of the body ~ Martha Graham - US dancer, choreographer

Last Friday night after leaving Red Chair, I decided to stroll on over to Club Colours and meet up with some other friends. I was already lushed, so I was glad to see them in the parking lot so that they could escort me into the club.

As I walked the "red carpet" back to the bar, I ran into familiar faces and greeted the paparazzi on the sidelines. Red Bull and Vodka is my new sh*t!

I'm really really hot//Everytime my record drops//Radio says I won't stop//Cuz I'm killin em ~ Missy

I'm on the dancefloor. The liquor makes me feel as though I am the only one. In reality, the floor is packed with very little room to move. I continue to dance...alone. (I enjoy dancing alone in the vicinity of friends for some strange reason.)

Urr body in the club getting tipsy//Urr body in the club getting tipsy ~ J-Kwon

At this point, I move in to grind with this guy dancing to my right. The interlude continues as the DJ switches musical genres.

From dem a par inna chi chi man car //Blaze di fire mek we bun dem!!!! (Bun dem!!!!) //From dem a drink inna chi chi man bar //Blaze di fire mek we dun dem!!!! (Dun dem!!!!) ~ TOK (Isn't it ironic!?)

We continue until the heat overwhelms us.

him: it's hot.
me: yeah
him: thanks for the dance.
me: no problem
him: are you from here?
me: yeah, you
him: Brooklyn
me: ok
him: what are you doing Sunday?
me: umm...nothing.
him: do you like dance? would you like to see Alvin Ailey?
me: yeah, i saw opening night on Thursday.
him: really, well you saw me perform.
me: oh, you're an Ailey dancer. i knew there had to be a reason for his body being so hard and toned. I have to introduce you to my friends!

So to make a long story short, TheDancer and one of his other friends along with myself and two of my other friends spent the weekend together with the limited amount of free time that Ailey dancers have on tour. Needless to say, I saw Alvin Ailey twice.

And one of my friends sent me this email on Monday to recap the weekend and summarize his findings.

Whits: (That's me)

So, you know I tried to watch the Grammy's and I fell asleep after Tony and Missy introduced somebody, or after that herendous Sam Jackson/Clinton/Outkast-Bboi/EW&Fire funk rendition. That sh*t was dredfull! Sam Jackson was his usual...

However, I wanted to call you to say Yoko Ono-Lennin's dress was not playing with the girls! Ellen was pretty in pink. Yo cuzin .50 was wrong for that prance across the stage, your alter-ego, Mary, should have left that chin-chilla at home! The hair was marvelous! Beyonce gave an interesting show. I wanted a medley. The dove was cute. JT put a lot of work into his performance; to be honest, I didn't think he had it in him. Did you notice my son was on Dre's lap?--I wonder where I was?--I think all the soul girls e.g., Badu, India, the missing Hill, Scott, Floetry ect. said good evening to Grammy. What do you think? Hillarious.

So, this weekend was Phenomenal! I'm still speechless! It's funny that Lamentations originally didn't want to go to Colours. I thought my chances of seeing Ailey were long gone! We actually went to 708 on a Saturday night. You and Lamentations were actually part of a double date. The list goes On&On...

I had such a great time. You are truly my friend, and I love you. The reads were so festive. My personal fave was: You know Nessa, I can't think of any of your works to compliment you on! That was such an ovah read!

So, I really want you to let it flow. I won't go into a diatribe of how bitchie you can be--which you know to be true--but, help us out, and try to allow sober Whits to meet 3-4 cocktails Whits--more often. No shade.

Expand your horizons as it pertains to distance friendships. TheDancer's certainly worth the thought; festive, professional, great energy, killer body, great spirit, and most important, he's nice.

So I still need the nasty slutty teas! Talk to ya later...


SoJ Truth,

Sup...when you called me yesterday I had just completed another timely discussion with Ol'Piece about his crazy ways. He had just spent the night and mid afternoon with me laying up in my bed NAKED (cause he was HOT!?) and adamantly refusing to have any sexual relations. Huh!? Why dost thou tempt me!? Fighting over sex...and not even REAL sex (i just wanted to kiss and a lil oral/jack off action) is gettin on my LAST nerve. So we parted ways again...not speaking!

I really enjoyed the funk medley. It was educational to let people know Outkast didn't just appear out of nowhere like some have believed. That style/genre has been around way before "Hey Ya!" It has just been fused a lil differently with some Southern Comfort in way that wasn't seen when the West coast, namely Dr. Dre and Snoop, tried to funk it out.

Yoko Ono - snatched!

.50 - needs to get over himself

Mary - has a new fur line out so this winter she has really advertised her ass off. the canary tinted fur may have been a lil too much...but for JZ's Madison Square Garden concert she had on one ol' chocolate fur poncho! and good evening!

Beyonce' - Flawless from the Prince duet to the framed portrait...When Doves Cry...

JT - he did that same performance on Ellen...minus the trumpeter...I was impressed then. I like that "band style" performance on him better than the choreography and dancers.

E. Badu - she was there with that big ass Afro wig on in the audience. At one point she was holding Sevyn (it is ridiculous how he looks just like his Mama). I think she had them damn platinum fronts in her mouth too. I think I might be more apt to liking afrocentric eclectic Erykah than black panther radical Erykah. Hmmm...let me think on it.

I enjoyed this past weekend too. Mesmerizing! We saw Ailey. We met Ailey and B-way dancers. Wow! I certainly am open to befriending TheDancer. He's so sweet. We didn't fuck, as I know you assumed. We were tired and it was 7ish in the morning. We kissed, sucked each other's cocks (I know you hate when I say, and hunched. I ate his cakes while his body was contortioned into something that rivaled Cirque du Soleil. Then we got my Suave-Baby Powder fresh lotion and jacked off. I was on my back and told him to skeet skeet all over my chest. And that's what happened. Those are the "nasty slutty teas."

Any questions?


Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Black History Month

Despite "Nipplegate" and the "Bra ha ha" of last Sunday, I've learned that television still is modern society's necessary evil. And it is that time of the year when most of the networks and cable stations pay tribute to African Americans in their own special way.

I viewed the second half of America: Beyond the Color Line with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. last night. I found it to be frustratingly realistic at times. A thirteen year old was making $700 a day slinging drugs in Chicago...and we wonder why he didn't want to go to school!? The message I got: Young black men must learn to delay gratification for education. Part II airs tonight.

I also saw VH1 Goes Inside: Barbershop. It was a surprisingly well produced feature discussing all of the controversy surrounding the film with insider interviews with the cast and crew.

Then VH1 kept me at attention with the Fabulous Life of Lil Kim. For some reason gluttony and materialism is fun to watch. I continued to think about how many bills I could have paid off as each of her toy dogs' minks were displayed across the screen. It also made me think back to America: Beyond the Color Line because those flashy Hip Hop images are what black kids are striving for without realizing that true success is significance not Gucci or Bentley.

I then went back to PBS and caught James Baldwin: The Price of a Ticket. This documentary was an in depth account of the life and activism of a man that was ahead of his time. It also gave a glimpse into what it was like being black and gay at that time. It was quite interesting to see footage of him and his friends in the South of France carrying on and then to hear their emotional tributes on the day that Jimmie died.

Finally, I flipped back to TV ONE to catch 227 in syndication. Ain't nothing like Mary, Rose, Saundra, and Pearl reading each other on that stoop.

I can't wait to get home and see what's on TV tonight.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Wait a Minute--Ray J

How long should two people date before beginning a relationship? Does the fact that I am posing the question give me my answer? I have been going back and forth with this issue for a while no avail.

After an intoxicating night at Club Colours on Friday, "Last Call" was finally announced. The DJ played Alicia's "You Don't Know My Name" as a wind down. And Ol' Piece approached me.

Ol' Piece: I'm leaving.
Me: Okay
He looks away but still stands in front of me.
Me: Umm...Do you want me to walk you out?
Ol' Piece: Yes
I follow him to his car. It's approximately 42 degrees outside with a slight breeze.
Me: It's cold.
We get into his car.
Ol' Piece: You feeling your cocktail, huh?
Me: What!?
Ol' Piece: You act different when you drink.
Me: You were watching me?
Ol' Piece: Yeah, I knew where you were at all times.
I began to remember all of the people I talked to...all of the dances I had.
Me: (laughter) You want me to be your boyfriend?
Ol' Piece: Yes
Me: (laughter...then a kiss)

Since that night, Ol' Piece and I have had numerous conversations about whether or not we should take it to the next level. I don't think that I'm ready. It's only been two and a half months since my last perilous relationship. And Ol' Piece and I are still within a power struggle, which is working my last nerve! He says my mouth can be viscious and venomous. He's right. It's due, in part, to what I had to deal with with TheEx. However, I see that he's being as patient as possible. We both have quite a few issues that need to be worked out. But for now, I can only hope that he be steadfast and unmovable until I am ready to let him in.