Monday, April 26, 2004

I met this boy back in August. I was enamored immediately. He was intelligent, witty, savvy, cosmopolitan, emotional, and downright outspoken. He was everything that I needed him to be. We would meet after work and he would spit game to me. Addictive game. I would inhale his stories and diatribes. He would school me on life and it's obstacles. He became my burden bearer. My rock.

Sometimes as we talked, I would grab his hand as if to find something tangible to let me know that he was real. His eyes reassured me. His lips opened with a roundness that enveloped the whole world, as I knew it. For sure, he was real.

At times, I just could not get enough of him. How could one person possess such personality and charisma? I asked people if they knew him. And I introduced him to my friends. Most of them weren't as smitten as me. But that was understandable. So I told myself that, "He'll just have to grow on them."

He and I continued our sacred bond. I began to open up to him. I felt appreciated. I felt heard. He listened. He reassured me that I could tell him anything. And I did.

Then gradually, the intensity of our relationship waned. Not for any particular reason. It just did. We never put a label on what we were doing in the first place. So I thought it was just one of those things. No love lost. When we did see each other the magnetism was still as strong as cosmic elation at every reunion.

Recently, I ran into him and some of his friends in New York City. I realized that he wasn't all that I thought he was, to say the least. It's one of those things where it wasn't necessarily anything that was said or done. Just discernment. Therefore, we've stopped speaking entirely.

My perspective of him has changed. He didn't change. I did. I held him up on such a high pedestal that reality and human nature were bound to make him mortal. Which to me was a grave disappointment. My naivete and the fallacy that I once believed were more pleasant. But this realization is simply truth. And I accept that.

I don't know if we'll ever speak again. Is it worth opening up as I once did? Will I ever want to hear those same stories? Do I need his entertainment? Will I meet others like him only to second guess their authenticity? May be this is the closure that I need. Maybe not. I am unsure.

Yet tomorrow brings a new day.

Goodbye, Blog.

Friday, April 09, 2004

Far away from here//Far away from here//Far away from here//Just jump in a taxicab//Pack your bags and get away fast ~ Kindred The Family Soul

Yesterday, I arrived in New York Fuckin City. Harlem World.

Met up with TheMost, TheHairstylist, and Q for Sprung at Bar d'O.

And I got so much things to say...

Monday, April 05, 2004

Please remain seated until the ride completely stops...

The ride is over. TopModel asked if we could just be "homeboyz." What da fuck!?

Friday, April 02, 2004

Emotional Rollercoaster

I feel like one of those friends who get married or find a date and forget about their comrades who soldiered with them in the struggle. However, that is so not like me.

The emotional rollercoaster has been so exhilarating that the possibility of taking a moment to get off this ride and reflect has caused such a panic out of fear of what would be revealed.

On the incline:

He cooks for me...I clean his kitchen.

He gives me unexpected kisses, like when I'm mid-sentence.

I get butterflies when I think of his face.

Sex has been put on hold...for the time being.

At night, he grabs my hand and pulls my arm around his chest as we embrace into unconsciousness.

As a weird habit, he plays with my earlobe as we chill.

Conversation flows naturally.

On the decline:

Condom and lube paraphernalia in the bathroom wastebasket and we're not kuttin'!? Response = "I don't know when the last time I emptied that trash. Plus, I let my boy use my apartment. I haven't had sex in over a month."

He left his email open unbeknownst to me (the screensaver was up) and I used his computer and noticed it was an email from somebody on Adam4Adam. Which meant that he was recently logged onto the website looking for some "action." Nevertheless, the internet history revealed quite a lot of time being spent on Men4Now,, and BlackPlanet as well. But what could I say, it had only been 3 weeks of knowing one another at that point.

Two days ago he told me he was moving to NYC in August as an aspiring model. Huh? This is the aftermath of missTyra!!

So here I am. Back in line to go for another ride...