Friday, April 02, 2004

Emotional Rollercoaster

I feel like one of those friends who get married or find a date and forget about their comrades who soldiered with them in the struggle. However, that is so not like me.

The emotional rollercoaster has been so exhilarating that the possibility of taking a moment to get off this ride and reflect has caused such a panic out of fear of what would be revealed.

On the incline:

He cooks for me...I clean his kitchen.

He gives me unexpected kisses, like when I'm mid-sentence.

I get butterflies when I think of his face.

Sex has been put on hold...for the time being.

At night, he grabs my hand and pulls my arm around his chest as we embrace into unconsciousness.

As a weird habit, he plays with my earlobe as we chill.

Conversation flows naturally.

On the decline:

Condom and lube paraphernalia in the bathroom wastebasket and we're not kuttin'!? Response = "I don't know when the last time I emptied that trash. Plus, I let my boy use my apartment. I haven't had sex in over a month."

He left his email open unbeknownst to me (the screensaver was up) and I used his computer and noticed it was an email from somebody on Adam4Adam. Which meant that he was recently logged onto the website looking for some "action." Nevertheless, the internet history revealed quite a lot of time being spent on Men4Now, Gay.com, and BlackPlanet as well. But what could I say, it had only been 3 weeks of knowing one another at that point.

Two days ago he told me he was moving to NYC in August as an aspiring model. Huh? This is the aftermath of missTyra!!

So here I am. Back in line to go for another ride...

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