Monday, April 26, 2004

I met this boy back in August. I was enamored immediately. He was intelligent, witty, savvy, cosmopolitan, emotional, and downright outspoken. He was everything that I needed him to be. We would meet after work and he would spit game to me. Addictive game. I would inhale his stories and diatribes. He would school me on life and it's obstacles. He became my burden bearer. My rock.

Sometimes as we talked, I would grab his hand as if to find something tangible to let me know that he was real. His eyes reassured me. His lips opened with a roundness that enveloped the whole world, as I knew it. For sure, he was real.

At times, I just could not get enough of him. How could one person possess such personality and charisma? I asked people if they knew him. And I introduced him to my friends. Most of them weren't as smitten as me. But that was understandable. So I told myself that, "He'll just have to grow on them."

He and I continued our sacred bond. I began to open up to him. I felt appreciated. I felt heard. He listened. He reassured me that I could tell him anything. And I did.

Then gradually, the intensity of our relationship waned. Not for any particular reason. It just did. We never put a label on what we were doing in the first place. So I thought it was just one of those things. No love lost. When we did see each other the magnetism was still as strong as cosmic elation at every reunion.

Recently, I ran into him and some of his friends in New York City. I realized that he wasn't all that I thought he was, to say the least. It's one of those things where it wasn't necessarily anything that was said or done. Just discernment. Therefore, we've stopped speaking entirely.

My perspective of him has changed. He didn't change. I did. I held him up on such a high pedestal that reality and human nature were bound to make him mortal. Which to me was a grave disappointment. My naivete and the fallacy that I once believed were more pleasant. But this realization is simply truth. And I accept that.

I don't know if we'll ever speak again. Is it worth opening up as I once did? Will I ever want to hear those same stories? Do I need his entertainment? Will I meet others like him only to second guess their authenticity? May be this is the closure that I need. Maybe not. I am unsure.

Yet tomorrow brings a new day.

Goodbye, Blog.

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