Monday, August 25, 2003


The wedding was beautiful. Straight outta Coming to America. But I've been in deep thought ever sense the lovely couple leaped across the threshold.

At the reception, I sat at one of the Xavier alumni tables with four attractive educated single black female classmates: one an engineer, three completing their last years of medical/optometry school. I listened as each exchanged cordial "how are you's" and "what's going on's" which led to my understanding of the sad realities that they face when it comes to the prospect of marriage in the black community. It was disheartening to hear them speak of all of the obstacles they face due to the "good black man shortage":

1. Dating blue collar (Do I have to settle for any ol' man?)
2. Baby mama drama (Is it inevitable?)
3. The nonexistent opportunities to date within their local communities ("How are the men in DC? Atlanta? Chicago? I gotta find ME a man!")
4. Educated black men relentlessly playing the field (Why not? It's so easy to do!)
5. Subtracting incarcerated and gay men from the already minuscule pool

Then to further complicate matters, I invited Danielle and Sanya to go to The Lion's Den with Carl and me. At first, it was about going out to dance and having a few drinks since we didn't get to do that at the wedding reception. Plus, they always said that they wanted to see the "scene." And I, personally, think that every straight black person should open their minds and experience black gay life. It is reality. However, it concerned them even more to realize that they probably would never be able to tell if a man is gay or straight. And I was left speechless...unable to comfort them with a response. Simply because I know the lives that we, socially and culturally stigmatized black gay men, lead.

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