Today, I am a rich white woman.

When the sun greeted me this morning, I knew that today would be a great day. A blessed day. And it was confirmed as I was on the elevator at work making my way towards my office when the elevator opened and in walked Jane Fonda (I swear to God).

Thought for today:

Live, see, breathe, be...as if you were a rich white woman.

I return...bearing gifts!

Preview the new Fantasia tracks:

1st single and title track: Free Yourself f/ Missy Elliott
Ain't Gon Beg
Baby Mama
Selfish
Truth Is

I must admit that I'm not overwhelmed with excitement...but there is hope in the yet remaining 5-6 other tracks.

Is it me or has Betty Wright been doing the damn thing these last few years?
 

• Erykah Badu featuring Betty Wright - "A.D. 2000" on Mama's Gun.
• Getting Sara together on Making the Band 2 on MTV.
• Collabo on Joss Stone's collection of Soul Sessions.
• Nina Sky featuring Betty Wright - "You Deserve."
• Angie Stone featuring Betty Wright - "That Kind of Love" on Stone Love.

No Ifs, Ands or Butts...

I quit smoking cigarettes yesterday! Yep, it was my official quit day. (My behavior modification program requires that I make announcements to hold myself accountable!?)

I don't even know why it has taken me so long. Actually, I do. As a Public Health professional, I am quite familiar with social and behavioral science theories. I've been in the Contemplative stage of the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change for a few months now. Voila!!

In addition, the Spirit spoke to me with the use of...what my Momma would call...a "confirmation."

A few weeks ago, I was watching Sex and the City, Season 3, Episode # 35 "No Ifs, Ands, or Butts" in which Aidan tells Carrie that he can't date a smoker. She attempts to quit cold turkey and runs out of their dinner date fiending like a crackwhore for a few puffs of an emergency cigarette in which she subsequently dropped in the sewer crate on the street corner. After getting caught smoking, she starts the patch.

And on Monday, I went to see OhSix in the middle of the night. On the drive over, I lit up my Salem Ultralight and inhaled. I parked my ride, popped in a cherry Jolly Rancher and knocked on the door. His room was midnight black and he was already in the bed, so I climbed in.

OhSix: Whatchu been smoking?
me: (shit) Nothing.
OhSix: You sure?
me: It's just a cigarette.
OhSix: I ain't know you smoked!?
me: I don't...really...not that much.
(silence...I smell my hands and cup my breath...)
OhSix: Whatchu doing...smelling yourself?
me: No.

So here I am now...Day 2. I bought the patch, but I have been able to control the cravings without them. I don't know if I will even start them or not. I wasn't a big smoker in the first place...less than or equal to 5 a day. Therefore, I may be able to manage cold turkey.

Pros/Cons:
Pro: I have an increased appetite. I can now better focus on that weight gain goal and step up on Kanye's Workout Plan.
Con: Carrie evenually relapsed.

DAMN!

I was reading a discussion forum on the Cosby debacle and ran across this line from what I assumed is a white guy:

"I can see why the poor black youth are so disenfranchised....even their own people do not believe they are worth anything." - the-breaks forum

Deafening silence

After watching Saddam Hussein call President Bush the "real criminal" on CNN yesterday, I happened to afford the opportunity to watch the entire documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 while at the barbershop today. (Bootlegging at it's best...)

I'm speechless.

And just when I thought I could utter a simple monosyllabic word, Bill Cosby silenced me again by his commentary at the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition & Citizenship Education Fund's Annual Conference.

I think I've swallowed my tongue.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I been gone for a minute. Now I'm back with the jump off. Well...not really.

June of 2004 was an interesting epiphanic month. A funeral. Psuedo family reunion. Psuedo class reunion. PRIDE. Mega-Fest. Dating.

Funeral
One of my cousins lost a long battle with cancer. The family knew death was near, but its sudden arrival was still unsettling. The religious cynic in me cringed at the thought of a typical Southern funeral. And it was.

"Weeping may endureth for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
"Troubles don't last always."
"He picked me up, turned me around, placed my feet on solid ground."
"One glad morning, when this life is over, I'll fly away."
"You may not have tomorrow, so choose salvation today."

It was cliche after cliche with the congregation in full call and response.

Moms: (knowing my cynicism) That was a nice homegoing service. Did you get the message?
Me: Oh I got it alright.
Moms: Well what did you think?
Me: Honestly?
Moms: Hmph...
Me: I thought it was inappropriate. I couldn't believe there was actually an alter call at the funeral. Thirty-something people walked up and surrounded the coffin while the minister solicited church members. What happened to honoring the life of the deceased?
Moms: Sometimes death can lead people to Him.

RIP Phyllis.

Psuedo Family Reunion
And of course, the funeral afterparty gets real krunk. The conversation I regret:

Teenage male cousin: Damn, I just founnd out that that was our cousin over there. (He points at a female. We both stare in her direction making eye contact as my step mother overhears.)
Me: Everybody here is a cousin.
Step Mom: Well, you know in Louisiana that's legal! (sarcasm)
Teenage male cousin: Word?
(We all laugh hysterically)
Teenage female cousin: (slyly walks over) Ya'll talking bout me?
Teenage male cousin: Yeah! Talking bout how if you weren't my cousin I would seriously be trying to holla at you!
(Everyone laughs hysterically again)
Me: (rolling my eyes at young male hypermasculinity)
Teenage female cousin: (looks at teenage male cousin) You too... (walks away)

Scare me!

Psuedo Class Reunion
I then ran into the girl I went to Junior prom with (no kin) in the parking lot. She had a lot of questions. I don't know if it was sincere interest or whether she was validating something she had heard. It wasn't a problem though. I could careless.

Yes, I finished undergrad and grad school.
Yes, I live in Atlanta now.
This is where I work.
This is what I do.
No, I'm not married.
No, I'm not dating anyone seriously.
No, I haven't talked to anyone from highschool.
Here's my number.

And as soon as 48 hours could pass, I received a phone call from another classmate who is living in Atlanta. From this reunion, the gossip poured, thick and coating like evaporated milk. Thank God I escaped the rural South.

Mega-Fest
Back in Atlanta...chance would have it that I didn't host any family for the corporate sponsored revival, better known as Mega-Fest. I guess they knew better. Ironically, one of my bestfriends, DaScroller, came with some of his family from New Orleans to attend. "Why?", I asked. "Ya'll are Catholic!"

Moms: (calling my cell) I'm back home from the Mega-Fest. Sorry I didn't get to see you.
Me: I was wondering if you even came or not.
Moms: Yeah, you know I came down with some people and...blah...blah...blah. Where you at?
Me: The park.
Moms: You down there for what I saw that commercial for?
Me: What commercial?
Moms: Something I saw on TV...
Me: I'm here for PRIDE.
Moms: Yeah, that's it. They said right after our convention...in coming another kind...umm hmmmm...
Me: (laughing) I didn't know they had commercials...
Moms: It was on the news. Be careful out there.

PRIDE and Dating
I ran into a lot of people I hadn't seen in ages in the park for Atlanta Gay PRIDE. But I didn't meet anyone new. Not that I believed I needed to anyway, per se. I have always been the serial monagamist. Recently that has changed. But I haven't ventured all the way into casual sex either. I find it hard to seriously get to know more than one person at a time in an intimate and romantic way. But I get so tired of putting my eggs in one basket and getting the inevitable.

So now I am holding meetings with OhSix and DaBoriqua. Just two at a time...no mas. They both are smart, attractive, ambitious, have their own car/apartment, etc. What sets them apart? It's too early to tell. I can't call it. To make a comparison, I would have to be shallow and base it on the physical connections.

OhSix - passive aggressive, versatile, at night and in the morning, shower together

DaBoriqua - aggressively submissive, bottom, Latin heat and passion, kisses me goodbye

This is gonna be one ol' episode of ElimiDate!

I am filled with Christ love! - Saved!

Last Saturday, I had sushi with a new acquaintance, Da Boriqua. After a long day of Spring cleaning, I decided to meet him at Ru San's in midtown Atlanta for an afternoon feast. We engulfed countless servings from a smorgasbord of maki, nigiri and sashimi sushi. And I generally don't eat sushi when I'm famished because I always find myself insatiable, but for whatever reason this time I was stuffed beyond satisfaction.

Da Boriqua spoke with a New York accent reminiscent of what you would find in an Enrique Cruz production. However, he didn't necessarily have that Blatino look or feel. There was no thug wear...no Puerto Rican regalia...no "mami" this or "papi" that. Just your simple standard American English wearing Diesal jeans and t-shirt.

To my surprise, we had quite an interesting conversation. We talked about our love for spirits, ie. Vodka, Gin and Tequila. We both tend to drink to get drunk. "Can't we think about the clarity, distillation, taste or purity of alcohol later?!" Then we shared drunken horror stories and laughed between each baptism of sushi into pools of soy sauce.

Last night we met again. It started out as a movie date, but Saved! and The Stepford Wives wasn't playing until today. His ignorance as to what was currently playing and to this week's new releases led me to cancel the theater as a date all together. So I met him at his apartment and watched Futurama, Family Guy, and King of the Hill back to back. I have never claimed to be a fan of animation...even as a child. I was the one who literally rushed home to catch the 4 o'clock Oprah after school each day. I swear! Nevertheless, I diligently sat and watched with Da Boriqua. The storylines were surprisingly smart for how adolescent I perceived animation to be.

After seeing him doze off within scenes, I suggested that I let him rest by leaving.

Da Boriqua: You don't have to leave. You can lay with me.
Me: (resist and flee!!) Where am I gonna lay?
Da Boriqua: Here or in my bed. We just layin...
Me: Aiight.

I put on some of his shorts. He changed into a tee and running pants. We got in the bed.

Da Boriqua: I wanted to ask you to lay with me a long time ago.
Me: Word?

We spooned ever so tightly. He fell asleep. I dozed in and out due to his sleep apnea. After I couldn't take it anymore, I finally got up and out of the bed...got dressed...woke him up...and told him I had to get home (lies).

And now as I reminisce on the time spent, I wonder how long this one will last?

Why must I pose as a cyclist in the park? Have I not learned my lesson from the recent collision? But still I rise...
 

To Grandma, with love...

Many months ago, I splurged and bought an Egyptian Cotton (280 thread count) sheet and pillow set for my bed. For no apparent reason, the package sat in my linen closet up until this past weekend.

I am not sure why I never used the sheet set up until now. I think it is because I was raised with a grandmother who never used her "good stuff."

The Summers I spent at my grandmother's house as a child included:

1. Plastic runners "protecting" the carpet in high traffic areas such as the living room and main hallways.

2. "Do Not Touch" towel sets nicely folded and displayed in the bathrooms.

3. Candles still wrapped in the plastic outercovering, never to be burned...years at a time.

4. "Good" dishes which were only used during Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the occasional Sunday when company visited.

I'm not going to dispute my grandmother's logic/illogic concerning her valuables. That would be futile. But tonight, and from this day forward, I will sleep in Egyptian luxury...because I can...and should.

I think I'm READY NOW for a NASTY GRIND...

It never ceases to amaze me. Truth Hurts and Adina Howard may just be what I need to get me through the Summer.

Sample lyrics:

Throw me on the counter//By the kitchen door//Let's do acrobatics//Make my body sore//Make the neighbors jealous//Bet I'll make you scream//My legs around your pelvis//You ain't gonna run from me - Ready Now by Truth Hurts

You do me and watch as I do you//Two bodies vibrating, your manhood is escalating//Tongues touch, bodies trace//Turn over, I don't see your face//Kiss your neck, your back, your toes, what's next? - Nasty Grind by Adina Howard

"What's in your NetFlix queue?" - Esquire (June 2004, pg. 52) asks the question...

Here are my next five:

1. India.Arie - Live in Brazil

2. The Women of Brewster Place

3. Thirteen

4. Poison

5. Swimming Pool

What's in yours?

When it all...all falls down... - Lauryn Hill

I had an early dinner with Gianni today at Willy's Mexicana Grill in Piedmont Park. I brought my bike so I could work in some cardio within the park while taking in the Spring air.

After eating, I cycled into the park passing dogwalkers, joggers, skateboarders and frisbee throwers. I was really enjoying the buzz of the wind around my ears when I approached a decline and out of nowhere found myself face down into the pavement with my bike two feet behind me...the 360 degrees of the wheels were still spinning ever so swiftly.

I initially felt nothing...not even embarassment. Then I realized that I was still face down in the pavement and probably 7 seconds had passed...1...2...3...4...5...6...7. "I must get up immediately," I thought. And when I did, I noticed a group of approximately nine people having a festive picnic adjacent to the site of my collision with apparently NOTHING! All heads were turned in my direction. There was a look of sincere concern on their faces...not amusement...not humor....CONCERN. I thought, "Did my body being propelled by a mountain bike look that ghastly?" Obviously it did.

I checked my body and immediately felt the stinging sensations surrounding my left hand, right knee, and right elbow. It wasn't anything too detrimental...just a few scrapes. However, my hand now has a pretty large piece of skin on my palm which has been lacerated and pulled back forming a flap of dead flesh resembling a corpse from CSI.

And in an effort to let no man/woman/child put me and my committment to working out asunder, I attempted to go full throttle into my usual weight training regimen. However, my left hand was not as committed.

I think I have sprained my wrist.

American Idol III: The 3 Divas Collection

Through my ever increasing skills at manipulating the world wide web for all of it's works, I have compiled this year's most anticipated compilation:

American Idol III, The 3 Divas Collection: Fantasia Barrino, Jennifer Hudson, and LaToya London

This 28 track anthology contains Fantasia's tear jerking rendition of Porgy and Bess's "Summertime," Jennifer Hudson's homage to Manilow in "Weekend in New England," and LaToya London's farewell number, "Somewhere."

Only one copy burned to CD to date...

Where's yours?

One man's trash is another man's treasure...

I found a 32 in Toshiba television near the dumpster in my apartment complex today. I was merely checking my snail mail. And there it was sitting idly at the opening to the trash compactor. I stopped...looked to my left...then my right...and behind me. No one was around. I kneeled to inspect my find. "A little dusty," I thought.

I would have left it there had I not discovered a Hoover vacuum cleaner (just needed to change the disgusting bag filled with cat fur/feces), two pewter adjustable table lamps with shades that coincidentally matched my decor), and a vegetable rack (which fits perfectly in my closet holding socks, underwear, and ties) all within the past eight months.

So I squatted and lifted with my legs. I carried the TV up three flights of stairs to my domicile. I only took one break (it must be the new work out regimen). The whole time I was thinking of how I could toss the entire set off of my balcony onto the parking lot if the television set did NOT work!

Whew!!! I made it. I plugged it in, pushed power, and got the usual Poltergeist-esque snow screen. I hooked it up to my cable. Ta da!!! Clear picture...almost...there are 3-4 horizontal lines which change intermittently across the top 1/4 of the screen. Hey, I can ignore that! So I connected the television up to all of the other accessory equipment in my living room and moved my 20 in into my bedroom.

Perfecto!

I want you to touch me on the inside part and call me my name - Beloved

Somebody called me an asshole today. I thought it was undeserving. I tend to say what is on my mind. And it's not in a "speak before you think" kinda way. It is actually carefully thought about with an attempt at executing it to precision.

But where does being assertive, articulate, and outspoken become crass and uncouth?

Does the following text require that one be called out by their name?

Ol'Piece,

Unfortunately, I prefer not to receive any FORWARDS containing prayers, inspirational stories, urban legends, smiley animations, or "save Lil' Ricky" requests in my inbox. I consider all such messages junk mail.

Please feel free to contact me via email if YOU have anything to say to ME directly.

Thanks for thinking of me,

HypnotiqOne


***But of course if you follow this blog, you know that their is history with me and Ol'Piece anyway***

The Devil is a liar and ain't no truth in him!

Lucifer and a few of his disciples sent me this link:

BlkGayChat

I'm trying to get to bed before 3 am each night...damn!

Let's Get Married - Jagged Edge

A cell phone conversation I just had while at work:

me: hello?
him: this is BowWow, you left me a message...your number.
me: hey...(puzzled)....ok, where did i meet you again? (i'm scrolling my mind for any pieces I could have recently met from adam4adam, men4now, gay.com, The Lion's Den, etc.)
BowWow: ummmm....that one place...like crayons!?
me: (rolling on the floor lauging out loud) you...mean...Colours?
BowWow: (laughing) yeah
me: Oh! BowWow! Hey!
BowWow: yeah...lol...so whatchu doin?
me: At work...Blah...Blah...Blah...
BowWow: Me too. So this is your cell...umma call you when I get off?

The Background:

One of my best friends, Gianni, and I met this guy at a New Year's Eve party. He was an adorable lil hobbit. Gianni, being a lush like me, exchanged numbers with him and then subsequently ignored his phone calls the following week after he sobered up.

Then, Gianni and I ran into him at The Lion's Den months later. We were, of course, drunk again and he approached us. I diligently tried to move in like a thief in the night. The battle began as we were competing for his attention. I gave up in Round #2, but not before I reminded Gianni that he ignored BowWow's phone calls last time, in addition to the fact that BowWow's not even his type. I requested a truce...actually I demanded that Gianni forfeit from this competition in order that I may make my advance. My request was denied and Gianni continued to gaze into BowWow's eyes.

Well, we saw the adorable hobbit this past Friday at Club Colours and he was throwing mad shade at Gianni. And so I was talking to him and he was like, "I wanna kick it with ya'll. Your friend won't ever call me back. Let's exchange numbers, etc."

I got his number. He didn't have his cell so he told me to call his work number on the spot. I did and left a drunken speech-slurred detailed voicemail. (Simply, ghetto.)

Well, passive non-aggressive ME, didn't call the boy all weekend.

And now he just called me 5 minutes ago...

I'm trying to think of how I can get him to Massachusetts? I love him!

The Daily Dose

As I tuned in to my usual daily dose of Oprah yesterday, I was mildly shocked to hear Cameron Diaz and Oprah Winfrey casually and briefly talk about how they both believed the institution of marriage was "outdated." Rather ironic since the show was about the biggest animated wedding movie of the year, Shrek 2.

I could feel the emails pouring into Harpo's server...

So, the fanatic that I am, went to the message boards in defense. My post:

Debate over Oprah's comments on marriage...
Posted by: HypnotiqOne
Posted on: 05/14/2004 at 2:47am (27. of 34)

I happen to agree with Oprah and Cameron concerning marriage. I believe that they respect the institution for those that choose it. However, it's not for them personally. And this is probably due to some sense of individualism or selfishness. One has to give up an aspect of Self in order to be "married." The two become one, etc. All of us aren't up for that. Yet we can be just as committed and in love as anyone else.

For me, a family isn't defined by a marriage certificate or a wedding ceremony. A mother will always be a mother and a father will always be a father regardless of any certificates of marriage. In addition, monogamy and committment can also be established without the "institution."

Secondly, if America believed in the "institution" as much as this message board portrays then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

And finally, if marriage is the cornerstone of family and society as this message board portrays then ALL people would be allowed the opportunity, more specifically gays and lesbians.

Why was I even commenting...

Microphone check...1...2? Is this thing on?

I thought I told Blog goodbye, but here I am.

Thanks Mista____ for the email and for letting me vent.

The fact remains: I will do this for me, authentically so.

Updates:

While in New York last month, I realized that there are only about 7-10 black gay men in America and I either know them or know someone who knows them ALL! The more intriguing question is why were they all in New York City at the same time?

I went from Day-O to Bar d'O...French Roast to Langston's...house party in Brooklyn to one on the Upper West Side...Christopher Street to 1-2-5. The whole time running into old friends, foes and acqaintances. Exhausting!

Nevertheless, I'm now back in Atlanta fighting for my sanity. I hosted my brother and sister from Albany, GA for Spring Break. Interesting time for a 16 and 18 year old and there new found gay big brother. I attempted not to change my world just because they were in town. They met a few friends of mine and thought they were "funny." What does that mean? "Ha ha" funny? Or "you're so gay that I can't help but laugh" funny? I took it as a compliment.

I also took them on a shopping spree. And the most surprising thing was how they enjoyed consignment shopping at Plato's Closet. (Some simple shit I shoulda thought of) They were running around like it was Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory!

I have gone on a serious health kick as well. During late winter, I simply stopped eating regularly for some reason. I didn't think I was stressed. But I suppose I was. My 6'3 frame was down to 169lbs. Normal, but not too cute by my standards. So as soon as the weather began to change in da ATL, I hit the gym...and GNC. Now I'm at 177lbs. Yeah!! It's probably all water, but what the Hell!? I ain't stopping!

Note: Sometimes I feel like I have the same issues as emotional overeaters, but I undereat at times. Not in an extreme emaciated type of way. But similar. Strong emotions definitely make me lose my appetite.

Whew!!! That was cathartic!

Now I know I'm back...and continuing to do this for me...