Question?
1. If a close friend moved away a year ago, does that friend's local dates (dates = pieces, homie lover friends, cut buddies...not past relationship material) become equal opportunity again?
2. If so, is one year a long enough wait before any crimes of the heart should be committed?
3. What should be said to the close friend if one is simply contemplating such an endeavor?
4. Should one discontinue any and all flirty glances with said "date," no matter who initiates?
5. Should one remove oneself from the vicinity of the dancefloor if said "date" begins to gyrate within one's periphery?
6. Is it just plain old TIRED that one is even considering such a dilemma?
Hmph...
New find: CARGO magazine
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Spring has sprung!!!
The weather in Atlanta has been the best EVER!!! I have always been the type of person that allows the weather and/or the seasons to affect my psyche.
Sunny, warm day = Happiness! Rainy, cold day = Don't talk to me!
In the spirit of elation, I reconnected with Ol' Piece. We had been talking off and on since the email spat. I was comfortable with us both moving on...but there is still this undeniable attraction. I'm not sure what it is. Or do I?
I'm man enough to own up to the fact that a lot of the hostilities are my own doing. I could handle disagreements differently. I could take a softer, more Ghandi-like approach...but in haste, I tend to try my hardest to cut and slice. And that's a side of me that I never knew existed. Is this a repercussion of the incident(s) (11-19-03) with TheEx?! Am I forever wounded? Will I always labor this baggage?
I feel like this is a tango that we both are dancing for our own dark hidden reasons. And I'm not sure if I am ready for the music to stop.
The weather in Atlanta has been the best EVER!!! I have always been the type of person that allows the weather and/or the seasons to affect my psyche.
Sunny, warm day = Happiness! Rainy, cold day = Don't talk to me!
In the spirit of elation, I reconnected with Ol' Piece. We had been talking off and on since the email spat. I was comfortable with us both moving on...but there is still this undeniable attraction. I'm not sure what it is. Or do I?
I'm man enough to own up to the fact that a lot of the hostilities are my own doing. I could handle disagreements differently. I could take a softer, more Ghandi-like approach...but in haste, I tend to try my hardest to cut and slice. And that's a side of me that I never knew existed. Is this a repercussion of the incident(s) (11-19-03) with TheEx?! Am I forever wounded? Will I always labor this baggage?
I feel like this is a tango that we both are dancing for our own dark hidden reasons. And I'm not sure if I am ready for the music to stop.
Friday, February 27, 2004
I need to see a man about a horse ~ Phrase Finder
I have this intriguing curiosity with what I call conference aphrodisia as noted by my attendance at another meeting back in September. It simply amazes me how people can allow perceived anonymity or the controlled environment of the host hotel and meeting sessions to drive sexual prowess. Nevertheless, more time and work was required of the participants at this recent meeting so there was less "promiscuity" as far as I could tell. *Note: High prevalence of homosexuals in my field.
Day I
This dreadfully loc'ed honeycombed Adonis sat in a panel before me. As he gazed into the audience, I couldn't help but stare until our eyes met. Then an uncomfortable disconnect appeared out of nowhere as we realized that our attention should be paid to the speaker, not on one another. But he saw me. I saw him. Mission accomplished.
Day II
me: (sitting at the bar smoking a cigarette like Bernadine)
middle aged black male: (walks by and grabs my shoulder while leaning into my left ear in passing) It's gonna be hard for me to read down here now that you've arrived...
me: (startled) Oh whatever... (laughter)
Day III
Passed Adonis in the hall. We exchanged niceties. I complement him on his sense of humor from an earlier presentation. No indepth conversation. We continued to speak in passing for the remainder of the week.
Day V
me: (answering hotel phone) Hello?
caller: Hey! I remembered your name from your badge and got your room number from the front desk. You sat next to me in the computer lab. Remember?
me: Yeah. How are you?
caller: I've seen you around this week and I've been wanting to say hello but you seem a little standoffish. When you smiled and chit chatted in the computer lab today I was like, "Wow, he's friendly."
me: (laughter)
I agreed to meet this new acquaintance (not Adonis) in the bar and we continued the stimulating conversation.
Day VI
Last day. I called nessa/e.badu for an update and casually mentioned the state of conference aphrodisia.
nessa: Adonis?...tall, light-skinned, dreads, from that city? Work for the Agency?
me: (reluctant) yeah?!
nessa: That's Lamentation's ol' piece.
me: You lying!
nessa: He's married now.
me: To who?
nessa: Some boy that work for another Agency. Got a house together and everything...
me: You lying!
nessa: Argghhhh!! I need to see a man about a horse!! Hold on...lemme call Lamentation on 3-way...
I continued to gag into the night. How easily angels fall from Heaven...
I have this intriguing curiosity with what I call conference aphrodisia as noted by my attendance at another meeting back in September. It simply amazes me how people can allow perceived anonymity or the controlled environment of the host hotel and meeting sessions to drive sexual prowess. Nevertheless, more time and work was required of the participants at this recent meeting so there was less "promiscuity" as far as I could tell. *Note: High prevalence of homosexuals in my field.
Day I
This dreadfully loc'ed honeycombed Adonis sat in a panel before me. As he gazed into the audience, I couldn't help but stare until our eyes met. Then an uncomfortable disconnect appeared out of nowhere as we realized that our attention should be paid to the speaker, not on one another. But he saw me. I saw him. Mission accomplished.
Day II
me: (sitting at the bar smoking a cigarette like Bernadine)
middle aged black male: (walks by and grabs my shoulder while leaning into my left ear in passing) It's gonna be hard for me to read down here now that you've arrived...
me: (startled) Oh whatever... (laughter)
Day III
Passed Adonis in the hall. We exchanged niceties. I complement him on his sense of humor from an earlier presentation. No indepth conversation. We continued to speak in passing for the remainder of the week.
Day V
me: (answering hotel phone) Hello?
caller: Hey! I remembered your name from your badge and got your room number from the front desk. You sat next to me in the computer lab. Remember?
me: Yeah. How are you?
caller: I've seen you around this week and I've been wanting to say hello but you seem a little standoffish. When you smiled and chit chatted in the computer lab today I was like, "Wow, he's friendly."
me: (laughter)
I agreed to meet this new acquaintance (not Adonis) in the bar and we continued the stimulating conversation.
Day VI
Last day. I called nessa/e.badu for an update and casually mentioned the state of conference aphrodisia.
nessa: Adonis?...tall, light-skinned, dreads, from that city? Work for the Agency?
me: (reluctant) yeah?!
nessa: That's Lamentation's ol' piece.
me: You lying!
nessa: He's married now.
me: To who?
nessa: Some boy that work for another Agency. Got a house together and everything...
me: You lying!
nessa: Argghhhh!! I need to see a man about a horse!! Hold on...lemme call Lamentation on 3-way...
I continued to gag into the night. How easily angels fall from Heaven...
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Trial of the Century
Claire from SprintPCS: You have one new message. Message one:
Ol' Piece: What the Hell is going on? You owe me an explanation. What was this morning about? I don't get you. Your attitude is intolerable. You got issues, man. Exhale into the receiver... And I figured you wouldn't answer your phone. This has been a waste of time.
me: (thinking) If one more person tells me about my attitude!?!? What the f*ck!? Am I...? I'll reflect on that later...
Email to Ol' Piece
Ol' Piece,
You continue to amaze me with your cluelessness!!! You said, "I owe you an explanation!?" Huh!?
Last night before you finally went to bed, you asked "Are you still mad?" To me, this denotes some wrongdoing or discernment of unresolved issues. Therefore, you're not as baffled as you're making yourself seem.
For the record, let me break it down for you:
1. On yesterday, you made arrangements for dinner of some sort. You never finalized those plans.
2. You showed up unannounced around 11pm with an attitude about work issues unrelated to me. I tolerated it.
3. You left around 11:30pm to get YOURSELF something to eat. What happened to dinner?
4. You returned at 4:00am from Thugged Out Tuesday wide eyed and bushy tailed and disturbing my sleep. Your response, "You're normally up around this time!" No, YOU'RE normally up around that time. I go to bed when I am not up entertaining you.
5. You proceed to rumble around the apartment in and out of the bed...in and out of the bathroom...making phone calls...turning lights on...all while I was trying to go back to sleep. How respectful was that? Was it in retribution for not hopping out of bed when you arrived?
6. I wake up this morning and you are all covered with my blanket. I only have the sheet. And that's not coincidental!
In addition, it seems as though boundaries were crossed and miscommunicated. I mistakenly gave you an all-access pass to my apartment. Do you not realize the countless number of days you spent the night, took showers, cooked/ate, watched tv, washed clothes, etc.? You even had in/out priveledges because many times I was not even home! Do you not realize the number of times you loaded the dishwasher, cleaned out the oven, washed out the tub, made the bed, vaccumed the floor, etc.? I do. Zero! Unfortunately, sleeping to 3pm daily and not even getting up to wash a dish is unattractive to me. I made the mistake of allowing you to lay up all day long (alone if I went to work) and not making it clear that we were not roommates and that MY name was on the lease. Simply put, you got too comfortable.
Nevertheless, don't feel like you've wasted your time. I know I didn't. I enjoyed getting to know you. I still think you're a great person. In our first real conversation you asked, "What turns you off?" I replied, "Laziness/lack of ambition and people who are caught up in the 'top/bottom' issue of sex" amongst other things. Those are two issues that we have DEFINITELY dealt with. Whether we overcame them or not is questionable. I guess that is the real reason why we are where we're at. I promise you that anytime that you've felt that I've had an "attitude problem," I could trace it back to one of those issues. I guess the question then becomes, did I communicate those issues well. Probably not. I know I made plenty of comments related to laziness and we had numerous tugs of war as it related to sex...so I know I tried.
Other than that, I don't know what else to say...
The Rebuttal:
HypnotiqOne,
I am amazed at just how much of an asshole you can be.
Lack of ambition, laziness...Those are not words that can be used to desribe me.
And how many times have I, without thanks gone to the grocery store to keep something in YOUR refrigerator.
Now, about dinner last night. I didn't get my money so I couldn't take you out or pick something up. And I went out by myself because I never seem to be able to talk to you about how I am feeling and what is bothering me, so I wind up having to deal with them on my own.
In the beginning you said something to me...."if you want something done, you had better do it yourself." You swear that none of this was you.
The top and bottom shit, could have been worked out, but I am glad that I didn't let that shit happen. You definitely didn't derserve that from me. You can find someone else to blast at, and then turnaround and try and have.
See, you are so good at picking out someone elses faults but, what have you done lately. And the open access to your place...thanks.... You must not think I am really a great person...check the insults in your previous email.
Deal with the shit that's real, and stop avoiding it. You are mad because I came in and turned on lights and tried to wake you up? I remember you doing me the same way, but you actually got my full attention. Yea, I was drunk and I wanted to be with you, but as usual your feelings comes first. You need someone who is going to keep score and count the things you do and don't do. The problem is, I am not that person. You need someone who doesn't mind being molded and transformed. Again, I am not the one. You need someone who is going to just accept your shit with a smile.... Once again, I am not the one. You need someone you can talk down to and looked down on; not this one.
You will be by yourself until you learn to give a little homie, and that has nothing to do with access to your apartment. You need to learn that not everyone is out to get you. I will tell you this, I have been who you are now, and I didn't understand why I couldn't keep people around me. My friends were there but no one else was. I was fucking and shit, but that's about it...I couldn't get them to stick around past that. You are cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, selfish, unhappy, and very confused. I may be "clueless", but I am in no way thoughtless.
Welcome to your future....And to think, I really was thinking that I could be with you long term. I guess GOD does reveal things to you right on time......
The Cross Examination
Ol' Piece,
You asked for an explanation. What I wrote previously is as blunt as I could make what is running through my mind right now...asshole or not!?
Yes, you went to the grocery store...FOR YOU!!! Aside from several 2-liter Kroger sodas, most things purchased were for your own consumption. I don't really like pizza, candy, or bread...remember?
Did you try to talk about what you were feeling last night or did you run away? Not once did you explain the dinner situation. Was I supposed to psychically find out that you didn't get your money? I would have paid for dinner. I was waiting on you, hungrily.
I have no regrets about anything that we did sexually.
My faults:
controlling
arrogant
decisive
moody
argumentative
Do you prefer I go on?
You were drunk and wanted to be with me? Explaining #'s 1-6 from the previous email would have been a great aphrodisiac.
I don't need anyone to keep score. I do that fine myself. :-)
Mold and transform are such strong words. To me, it's just compromise and agreements.
I don't need anyone to accept my shit and smile. If I'm right, I'm right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I need someone of comparable strength and tenacity to point these things out.
I don't need someone to talk down to or look down upon. If that were the case, I would be satisfied with the lazy/less ambitious person.
And my most recent problems have been related to getting people to NOT stick around, i.e. restraining orders.
"cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, selfish, unhappy, and very confused" seems a little too harsh. But I'll marinate on it.
Finally, I think you are a wonderful person. Truly I do. Although we've bumped heads on most issues that we've discussed, I too felt as though I was putting up with alot. You are worthwhile. And I am still open to you. I don't know what the problem is with our communication. Alot of what I've said has been on my mind but I never quite wanted to say it for fear of being "cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, and selfish." Should I shut up, hold it in, drink, go to the club or bitch? I've done it all.
I fear we may have moved too fast without getting to know each other. Shit, I don't know.
Closing Argument
HypnotiqOne,
I know that you are not the person that I tend to get. Compromise is not what you seek. You seek to make me something that I am not. Lazy, I will tell you this; there are several things that I could be doing with my day and nights, but the fact that I play and coach is what I want to be doing right now. That doesn't make me less ambitous and definitely doesn't make me lazy. I owe it to myself to do what I feel is right for me. I am the only person I live for.
I am so sorry for not making it clear what was wrong with me, but I was bothered by our phone conversations. I will not lie to you and say that I am over you. You are so important to me and I only wanted to make you happy, but it always seemed to come at my expense. I didn't know that the things I was doing bothered you. I wish that I could wave a wand and make shit right for us, but I don't know how to baby. Communication is our big problem. I am missing what you want me to see, and you are definitely missing me on levels. I just want you to be calm and real with me. If I piss you off that much then we should not be around each other at all. I need a healthy amount of reading, but I also need to feel like you want me. I don't feel that at all. My faults are not something that I have thought about, and that's absolutely crazy, but its the truth. I have spent so much time blaming you and being mad at you, that I missed my time in the mirror. I am very non confrontational now, and that is so not me. I would rather run away from issues with people than deal with them.
I am very sorry for the things I haven't done, but you are still an asshole...
All I can say is...touche'
Claire from SprintPCS: You have one new message. Message one:
Ol' Piece: What the Hell is going on? You owe me an explanation. What was this morning about? I don't get you. Your attitude is intolerable. You got issues, man. Exhale into the receiver... And I figured you wouldn't answer your phone. This has been a waste of time.
me: (thinking) If one more person tells me about my attitude!?!? What the f*ck!? Am I...? I'll reflect on that later...
Email to Ol' Piece
Ol' Piece,
You continue to amaze me with your cluelessness!!! You said, "I owe you an explanation!?" Huh!?
Last night before you finally went to bed, you asked "Are you still mad?" To me, this denotes some wrongdoing or discernment of unresolved issues. Therefore, you're not as baffled as you're making yourself seem.
For the record, let me break it down for you:
1. On yesterday, you made arrangements for dinner of some sort. You never finalized those plans.
2. You showed up unannounced around 11pm with an attitude about work issues unrelated to me. I tolerated it.
3. You left around 11:30pm to get YOURSELF something to eat. What happened to dinner?
4. You returned at 4:00am from Thugged Out Tuesday wide eyed and bushy tailed and disturbing my sleep. Your response, "You're normally up around this time!" No, YOU'RE normally up around that time. I go to bed when I am not up entertaining you.
5. You proceed to rumble around the apartment in and out of the bed...in and out of the bathroom...making phone calls...turning lights on...all while I was trying to go back to sleep. How respectful was that? Was it in retribution for not hopping out of bed when you arrived?
6. I wake up this morning and you are all covered with my blanket. I only have the sheet. And that's not coincidental!
In addition, it seems as though boundaries were crossed and miscommunicated. I mistakenly gave you an all-access pass to my apartment. Do you not realize the countless number of days you spent the night, took showers, cooked/ate, watched tv, washed clothes, etc.? You even had in/out priveledges because many times I was not even home! Do you not realize the number of times you loaded the dishwasher, cleaned out the oven, washed out the tub, made the bed, vaccumed the floor, etc.? I do. Zero! Unfortunately, sleeping to 3pm daily and not even getting up to wash a dish is unattractive to me. I made the mistake of allowing you to lay up all day long (alone if I went to work) and not making it clear that we were not roommates and that MY name was on the lease. Simply put, you got too comfortable.
Nevertheless, don't feel like you've wasted your time. I know I didn't. I enjoyed getting to know you. I still think you're a great person. In our first real conversation you asked, "What turns you off?" I replied, "Laziness/lack of ambition and people who are caught up in the 'top/bottom' issue of sex" amongst other things. Those are two issues that we have DEFINITELY dealt with. Whether we overcame them or not is questionable. I guess that is the real reason why we are where we're at. I promise you that anytime that you've felt that I've had an "attitude problem," I could trace it back to one of those issues. I guess the question then becomes, did I communicate those issues well. Probably not. I know I made plenty of comments related to laziness and we had numerous tugs of war as it related to sex...so I know I tried.
Other than that, I don't know what else to say...
The Rebuttal:
HypnotiqOne,
I am amazed at just how much of an asshole you can be.
Lack of ambition, laziness...Those are not words that can be used to desribe me.
And how many times have I, without thanks gone to the grocery store to keep something in YOUR refrigerator.
Now, about dinner last night. I didn't get my money so I couldn't take you out or pick something up. And I went out by myself because I never seem to be able to talk to you about how I am feeling and what is bothering me, so I wind up having to deal with them on my own.
In the beginning you said something to me...."if you want something done, you had better do it yourself." You swear that none of this was you.
The top and bottom shit, could have been worked out, but I am glad that I didn't let that shit happen. You definitely didn't derserve that from me. You can find someone else to blast at, and then turnaround and try and have.
See, you are so good at picking out someone elses faults but, what have you done lately. And the open access to your place...thanks.... You must not think I am really a great person...check the insults in your previous email.
Deal with the shit that's real, and stop avoiding it. You are mad because I came in and turned on lights and tried to wake you up? I remember you doing me the same way, but you actually got my full attention. Yea, I was drunk and I wanted to be with you, but as usual your feelings comes first. You need someone who is going to keep score and count the things you do and don't do. The problem is, I am not that person. You need someone who doesn't mind being molded and transformed. Again, I am not the one. You need someone who is going to just accept your shit with a smile.... Once again, I am not the one. You need someone you can talk down to and looked down on; not this one.
You will be by yourself until you learn to give a little homie, and that has nothing to do with access to your apartment. You need to learn that not everyone is out to get you. I will tell you this, I have been who you are now, and I didn't understand why I couldn't keep people around me. My friends were there but no one else was. I was fucking and shit, but that's about it...I couldn't get them to stick around past that. You are cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, selfish, unhappy, and very confused. I may be "clueless", but I am in no way thoughtless.
Welcome to your future....And to think, I really was thinking that I could be with you long term. I guess GOD does reveal things to you right on time......
The Cross Examination
Ol' Piece,
You asked for an explanation. What I wrote previously is as blunt as I could make what is running through my mind right now...asshole or not!?
Yes, you went to the grocery store...FOR YOU!!! Aside from several 2-liter Kroger sodas, most things purchased were for your own consumption. I don't really like pizza, candy, or bread...remember?
Did you try to talk about what you were feeling last night or did you run away? Not once did you explain the dinner situation. Was I supposed to psychically find out that you didn't get your money? I would have paid for dinner. I was waiting on you, hungrily.
I have no regrets about anything that we did sexually.
My faults:
controlling
arrogant
decisive
moody
argumentative
Do you prefer I go on?
You were drunk and wanted to be with me? Explaining #'s 1-6 from the previous email would have been a great aphrodisiac.
I don't need anyone to keep score. I do that fine myself. :-)
Mold and transform are such strong words. To me, it's just compromise and agreements.
I don't need anyone to accept my shit and smile. If I'm right, I'm right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I need someone of comparable strength and tenacity to point these things out.
I don't need someone to talk down to or look down upon. If that were the case, I would be satisfied with the lazy/less ambitious person.
And my most recent problems have been related to getting people to NOT stick around, i.e. restraining orders.
"cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, selfish, unhappy, and very confused" seems a little too harsh. But I'll marinate on it.
Finally, I think you are a wonderful person. Truly I do. Although we've bumped heads on most issues that we've discussed, I too felt as though I was putting up with alot. You are worthwhile. And I am still open to you. I don't know what the problem is with our communication. Alot of what I've said has been on my mind but I never quite wanted to say it for fear of being "cruel, cold, unforgiving, uncaring, and selfish." Should I shut up, hold it in, drink, go to the club or bitch? I've done it all.
I fear we may have moved too fast without getting to know each other. Shit, I don't know.
Closing Argument
HypnotiqOne,
I know that you are not the person that I tend to get. Compromise is not what you seek. You seek to make me something that I am not. Lazy, I will tell you this; there are several things that I could be doing with my day and nights, but the fact that I play and coach is what I want to be doing right now. That doesn't make me less ambitous and definitely doesn't make me lazy. I owe it to myself to do what I feel is right for me. I am the only person I live for.
I am so sorry for not making it clear what was wrong with me, but I was bothered by our phone conversations. I will not lie to you and say that I am over you. You are so important to me and I only wanted to make you happy, but it always seemed to come at my expense. I didn't know that the things I was doing bothered you. I wish that I could wave a wand and make shit right for us, but I don't know how to baby. Communication is our big problem. I am missing what you want me to see, and you are definitely missing me on levels. I just want you to be calm and real with me. If I piss you off that much then we should not be around each other at all. I need a healthy amount of reading, but I also need to feel like you want me. I don't feel that at all. My faults are not something that I have thought about, and that's absolutely crazy, but its the truth. I have spent so much time blaming you and being mad at you, that I missed my time in the mirror. I am very non confrontational now, and that is so not me. I would rather run away from issues with people than deal with them.
I am very sorry for the things I haven't done, but you are still an asshole...
All I can say is...touche'
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
The short weekend began with longing ~ Harvey Pekar
I was under the assumption that I had survived this past weekend until I received this email:
Hi Whits!
I just wanted to thank you for that gorgeous blouse! It's so me. Sorry, but I donated all of my red to Lamentations, I'll keep you in mind next time...lol
I sent you an evite for Lamentations' party--thanks for the idea.
I also wanted to let you know what a supreme bitch you were on Saturday night. I know that you are a Delta, so we will eternally be different, but it can't be fun being that nasty. I was really shocked. Ironically, Lamentations contends that he knows that side to you, and consequently, was not shocked; though I know you are a supreme bitch, you have never made me feel unwelcomed in your home, but I guess that's a Delta for ya...go figure.
Well, it's your life...
xoxo,
nessa
ps. Gee, I wonder why your pieces are not only crazy, but act the total fool!--co-thought of Lamentations.
I replied:
You're welcome for the blouse!
I look forward to the evite.
"Supreme bitch," never that. I think you and Lamentations may have misinterpreted my mood. I am unable to be as animated and dramatic as you two seem to be 24/7. There are times wherein I simply want quiet conversation and tranquil moments. I think the two of you may have expected a "party hardy" personality, when that wasn't what I was feeling. Yes, it was a Saturday night...and the two of you did come from a festive tea at Chili's...but nonetheless, I was home arguing with one of my pieces on the phone and waiting on Gianni to arrive. Two opposing mood altering evenings which collided together in my home.
And I never expected one to feel unwelcome either. I thought my somber mood was identifiable by the phone conversation prior to you all's arrival. I should have taken that opportunity to say, "not tonight." But I felt that that would have been rude. And then too, I also recall hearing Lamentations say in the background, "Whatever Whits, we coming anyway!" It wasn't a problem though. I just assumed that the two of you knew my mood.
And what was so rude anyway? I probably should have provided more sitting area. But other than that, we laughed at Saturday Night Live, read Kelis, etc. The only awkard moment was when Lamentations asked, "What's so funny Whits?" And I wasn't laughing and stated such. After all was said and done, I then called Lamentations' cell to report that Gianni and I were going to Bulldogs as you requested. But I'm still the bitch.
Nevertheless, I do apologize for any hurt feelings. That was never my intention.
Finally, let us be in wonderment of our own pieces and/or the lack thereof, in any regards to how it may or may not relate to any perceived personality flaws.
Bitch
Drama! And I swear that I am NOT upset. I also know that there are two sides to every story, but that is how I see it. I felt attacked by the email and felt the need to defend myself. Nevertheless, Lamentations' party is this Saturday, so I hope everything is resolved by then.
I was under the assumption that I had survived this past weekend until I received this email:
Hi Whits!
I just wanted to thank you for that gorgeous blouse! It's so me. Sorry, but I donated all of my red to Lamentations, I'll keep you in mind next time...lol
I sent you an evite for Lamentations' party--thanks for the idea.
I also wanted to let you know what a supreme bitch you were on Saturday night. I know that you are a Delta, so we will eternally be different, but it can't be fun being that nasty. I was really shocked. Ironically, Lamentations contends that he knows that side to you, and consequently, was not shocked; though I know you are a supreme bitch, you have never made me feel unwelcomed in your home, but I guess that's a Delta for ya...go figure.
Well, it's your life...
xoxo,
nessa
ps. Gee, I wonder why your pieces are not only crazy, but act the total fool!--co-thought of Lamentations.
I replied:
You're welcome for the blouse!
I look forward to the evite.
"Supreme bitch," never that. I think you and Lamentations may have misinterpreted my mood. I am unable to be as animated and dramatic as you two seem to be 24/7. There are times wherein I simply want quiet conversation and tranquil moments. I think the two of you may have expected a "party hardy" personality, when that wasn't what I was feeling. Yes, it was a Saturday night...and the two of you did come from a festive tea at Chili's...but nonetheless, I was home arguing with one of my pieces on the phone and waiting on Gianni to arrive. Two opposing mood altering evenings which collided together in my home.
And I never expected one to feel unwelcome either. I thought my somber mood was identifiable by the phone conversation prior to you all's arrival. I should have taken that opportunity to say, "not tonight." But I felt that that would have been rude. And then too, I also recall hearing Lamentations say in the background, "Whatever Whits, we coming anyway!" It wasn't a problem though. I just assumed that the two of you knew my mood.
And what was so rude anyway? I probably should have provided more sitting area. But other than that, we laughed at Saturday Night Live, read Kelis, etc. The only awkard moment was when Lamentations asked, "What's so funny Whits?" And I wasn't laughing and stated such. After all was said and done, I then called Lamentations' cell to report that Gianni and I were going to Bulldogs as you requested. But I'm still the bitch.
Nevertheless, I do apologize for any hurt feelings. That was never my intention.
Finally, let us be in wonderment of our own pieces and/or the lack thereof, in any regards to how it may or may not relate to any perceived personality flaws.
Bitch
Drama! And I swear that I am NOT upset. I also know that there are two sides to every story, but that is how I see it. I felt attacked by the email and felt the need to defend myself. Nevertheless, Lamentations' party is this Saturday, so I hope everything is resolved by then.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Friday the 13th
I'm not superstitious, but I assumed that because the sun finally decided to appear in Atlanta today that all would be good.
So I psyched myself into taking a realistic thought into what tomorrow is, that b*tch ass punk muthaf*cka St. Valentine, and then I realized that I have totally eliminated all of my recent possibilities for love.
I was working with a good pool of four delectable goodies. That four has dwindled ever so fast to ZERO! I'm picky, but not that damn picky!
Now it's on...
I'm not superstitious, but I assumed that because the sun finally decided to appear in Atlanta today that all would be good.
So I psyched myself into taking a realistic thought into what tomorrow is, that b*tch ass punk muthaf*cka St. Valentine, and then I realized that I have totally eliminated all of my recent possibilities for love.
I was working with a good pool of four delectable goodies. That four has dwindled ever so fast to ZERO! I'm picky, but not that damn picky!
Now it's on...
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Dance is the hidden language of the soul, of the body ~ Martha Graham - US dancer, choreographer
Last Friday night after leaving Red Chair, I decided to stroll on over to Club Colours and meet up with some other friends. I was already lushed, so I was glad to see them in the parking lot so that they could escort me into the club.
As I walked the "red carpet" back to the bar, I ran into familiar faces and greeted the paparazzi on the sidelines. Red Bull and Vodka is my new sh*t!
I'm really really hot//Everytime my record drops//Radio says I won't stop//Cuz I'm killin em ~ Missy
I'm on the dancefloor. The liquor makes me feel as though I am the only one. In reality, the floor is packed with very little room to move. I continue to dance...alone. (I enjoy dancing alone in the vicinity of friends for some strange reason.)
Urr body in the club getting tipsy//Urr body in the club getting tipsy ~ J-Kwon
At this point, I move in to grind with this guy dancing to my right. The interlude continues as the DJ switches musical genres.
From dem a par inna chi chi man car //Blaze di fire mek we bun dem!!!! (Bun dem!!!!) //From dem a drink inna chi chi man bar //Blaze di fire mek we dun dem!!!! (Dun dem!!!!) ~ TOK (Isn't it ironic!?)
We continue until the heat overwhelms us.
him: it's hot.
me: yeah
him: thanks for the dance.
me: no problem
him: are you from here?
me: yeah, you
him: Brooklyn
me: ok
him: what are you doing Sunday?
me: umm...nothing.
him: do you like dance? would you like to see Alvin Ailey?
me: yeah, i saw opening night on Thursday.
him: really, well you saw me perform.
me: oh, you're an Ailey dancer. i knew there had to be a reason for his body being so hard and toned. I have to introduce you to my friends!
So to make a long story short, TheDancer and one of his other friends along with myself and two of my other friends spent the weekend together with the limited amount of free time that Ailey dancers have on tour. Needless to say, I saw Alvin Ailey twice.
And one of my friends sent me this email on Monday to recap the weekend and summarize his findings.
Whits: (That's me)
So, you know I tried to watch the Grammy's and I fell asleep after Tony and Missy introduced somebody, or after that herendous Sam Jackson/Clinton/Outkast-Bboi/EW&Fire funk rendition. That sh*t was dredfull! Sam Jackson was his usual...
However, I wanted to call you to say Yoko Ono-Lennin's dress was not playing with the girls! Ellen was pretty in pink. Yo cuzin .50 was wrong for that prance across the stage, your alter-ego, Mary, should have left that chin-chilla at home! The hair was marvelous! Beyonce gave an interesting show. I wanted a medley. The dove was cute. JT put a lot of work into his performance; to be honest, I didn't think he had it in him. Did you notice my son was on Dre's lap?--I wonder where I was?--I think all the soul girls e.g., Badu, India, the missing Hill, Scott, Floetry ect. said good evening to Grammy. What do you think? Hillarious.
So, this weekend was Phenomenal! I'm still speechless! It's funny that Lamentations originally didn't want to go to Colours. I thought my chances of seeing Ailey were long gone! We actually went to 708 on a Saturday night. You and Lamentations were actually part of a double date. The list goes On&On...
I had such a great time. You are truly my friend, and I love you. The reads were so festive. My personal fave was: You know Nessa, I can't think of any of your works to compliment you on! That was such an ovah read!
So, I really want you to let it flow. I won't go into a diatribe of how bitchie you can be--which you know to be true--but, help us out, and try to allow sober Whits to meet 3-4 cocktails Whits--more often. No shade.
Expand your horizons as it pertains to distance friendships. TheDancer's certainly worth the thought; festive, professional, great energy, killer body, great spirit, and most important, he's nice.
So I still need the nasty slutty teas! Talk to ya later...
xoxo,
nessa/e.badu/SojTruth.
SoJ Truth,
Sup...when you called me yesterday I had just completed another timely discussion with Ol'Piece about his crazy ways. He had just spent the night and mid afternoon with me laying up in my bed NAKED (cause he was HOT!?) and adamantly refusing to have any sexual relations. Huh!? Why dost thou tempt me!? Fighting over sex...and not even REAL sex (i just wanted to kiss and a lil oral/jack off action) is gettin on my LAST nerve. So we parted ways again...not speaking!
Grammys
I really enjoyed the funk medley. It was educational to let people know Outkast didn't just appear out of nowhere like some have believed. That style/genre has been around way before "Hey Ya!" It has just been fused a lil differently with some Southern Comfort in way that wasn't seen when the West coast, namely Dr. Dre and Snoop, tried to funk it out.
Yoko Ono - snatched!
.50 - needs to get over himself
Mary - has a new fur line out so this winter she has really advertised her ass off. the canary tinted fur may have been a lil too much...but for JZ's Madison Square Garden concert she had on one ol' chocolate fur poncho! and good evening!
Beyonce' - Flawless from the Prince duet to the framed portrait...When Doves Cry...
JT - he did that same performance on Ellen...minus the trumpeter...I was impressed then. I like that "band style" performance on him better than the choreography and dancers.
E. Badu - she was there with that big ass Afro wig on in the audience. At one point she was holding Sevyn (it is ridiculous how he looks just like his Mama). I think she had them damn platinum fronts in her mouth too. I think I might be more apt to liking afrocentric eclectic Erykah than black panther radical Erykah. Hmmm...let me think on it.
Weekend
I enjoyed this past weekend too. Mesmerizing! We saw Ailey. We met Ailey and B-way dancers. Wow! I certainly am open to befriending TheDancer. He's so sweet. We didn't fuck, as I know you assumed. We were tired and it was 7ish in the morning. We kissed, sucked each other's cocks (I know you hate when I say that...lol), and hunched. I ate his cakes while his body was contortioned into something that rivaled Cirque du Soleil. Then we got my Suave-Baby Powder fresh lotion and jacked off. I was on my back and told him to skeet skeet all over my chest. And that's what happened. Those are the "nasty slutty teas."
Any questions?
Whits/Mary/Bitch
Last Friday night after leaving Red Chair, I decided to stroll on over to Club Colours and meet up with some other friends. I was already lushed, so I was glad to see them in the parking lot so that they could escort me into the club.
As I walked the "red carpet" back to the bar, I ran into familiar faces and greeted the paparazzi on the sidelines. Red Bull and Vodka is my new sh*t!
I'm really really hot//Everytime my record drops//Radio says I won't stop//Cuz I'm killin em ~ Missy
I'm on the dancefloor. The liquor makes me feel as though I am the only one. In reality, the floor is packed with very little room to move. I continue to dance...alone. (I enjoy dancing alone in the vicinity of friends for some strange reason.)
Urr body in the club getting tipsy//Urr body in the club getting tipsy ~ J-Kwon
At this point, I move in to grind with this guy dancing to my right. The interlude continues as the DJ switches musical genres.
From dem a par inna chi chi man car //Blaze di fire mek we bun dem!!!! (Bun dem!!!!) //From dem a drink inna chi chi man bar //Blaze di fire mek we dun dem!!!! (Dun dem!!!!) ~ TOK (Isn't it ironic!?)
We continue until the heat overwhelms us.
him: it's hot.
me: yeah
him: thanks for the dance.
me: no problem
him: are you from here?
me: yeah, you
him: Brooklyn
me: ok
him: what are you doing Sunday?
me: umm...nothing.
him: do you like dance? would you like to see Alvin Ailey?
me: yeah, i saw opening night on Thursday.
him: really, well you saw me perform.
me: oh, you're an Ailey dancer. i knew there had to be a reason for his body being so hard and toned. I have to introduce you to my friends!
So to make a long story short, TheDancer and one of his other friends along with myself and two of my other friends spent the weekend together with the limited amount of free time that Ailey dancers have on tour. Needless to say, I saw Alvin Ailey twice.
And one of my friends sent me this email on Monday to recap the weekend and summarize his findings.
Whits: (That's me)
So, you know I tried to watch the Grammy's and I fell asleep after Tony and Missy introduced somebody, or after that herendous Sam Jackson/Clinton/Outkast-Bboi/EW&Fire funk rendition. That sh*t was dredfull! Sam Jackson was his usual...
However, I wanted to call you to say Yoko Ono-Lennin's dress was not playing with the girls! Ellen was pretty in pink. Yo cuzin .50 was wrong for that prance across the stage, your alter-ego, Mary, should have left that chin-chilla at home! The hair was marvelous! Beyonce gave an interesting show. I wanted a medley. The dove was cute. JT put a lot of work into his performance; to be honest, I didn't think he had it in him. Did you notice my son was on Dre's lap?--I wonder where I was?--I think all the soul girls e.g., Badu, India, the missing Hill, Scott, Floetry ect. said good evening to Grammy. What do you think? Hillarious.
So, this weekend was Phenomenal! I'm still speechless! It's funny that Lamentations originally didn't want to go to Colours. I thought my chances of seeing Ailey were long gone! We actually went to 708 on a Saturday night. You and Lamentations were actually part of a double date. The list goes On&On...
I had such a great time. You are truly my friend, and I love you. The reads were so festive. My personal fave was: You know Nessa, I can't think of any of your works to compliment you on! That was such an ovah read!
So, I really want you to let it flow. I won't go into a diatribe of how bitchie you can be--which you know to be true--but, help us out, and try to allow sober Whits to meet 3-4 cocktails Whits--more often. No shade.
Expand your horizons as it pertains to distance friendships. TheDancer's certainly worth the thought; festive, professional, great energy, killer body, great spirit, and most important, he's nice.
So I still need the nasty slutty teas! Talk to ya later...
xoxo,
nessa/e.badu/SojTruth.
SoJ Truth,
Sup...when you called me yesterday I had just completed another timely discussion with Ol'Piece about his crazy ways. He had just spent the night and mid afternoon with me laying up in my bed NAKED (cause he was HOT!?) and adamantly refusing to have any sexual relations. Huh!? Why dost thou tempt me!? Fighting over sex...and not even REAL sex (i just wanted to kiss and a lil oral/jack off action) is gettin on my LAST nerve. So we parted ways again...not speaking!
Grammys
I really enjoyed the funk medley. It was educational to let people know Outkast didn't just appear out of nowhere like some have believed. That style/genre has been around way before "Hey Ya!" It has just been fused a lil differently with some Southern Comfort in way that wasn't seen when the West coast, namely Dr. Dre and Snoop, tried to funk it out.
Yoko Ono - snatched!
.50 - needs to get over himself
Mary - has a new fur line out so this winter she has really advertised her ass off. the canary tinted fur may have been a lil too much...but for JZ's Madison Square Garden concert she had on one ol' chocolate fur poncho! and good evening!
Beyonce' - Flawless from the Prince duet to the framed portrait...When Doves Cry...
JT - he did that same performance on Ellen...minus the trumpeter...I was impressed then. I like that "band style" performance on him better than the choreography and dancers.
E. Badu - she was there with that big ass Afro wig on in the audience. At one point she was holding Sevyn (it is ridiculous how he looks just like his Mama). I think she had them damn platinum fronts in her mouth too. I think I might be more apt to liking afrocentric eclectic Erykah than black panther radical Erykah. Hmmm...let me think on it.
Weekend
I enjoyed this past weekend too. Mesmerizing! We saw Ailey. We met Ailey and B-way dancers. Wow! I certainly am open to befriending TheDancer. He's so sweet. We didn't fuck, as I know you assumed. We were tired and it was 7ish in the morning. We kissed, sucked each other's cocks (I know you hate when I say that...lol), and hunched. I ate his cakes while his body was contortioned into something that rivaled Cirque du Soleil. Then we got my Suave-Baby Powder fresh lotion and jacked off. I was on my back and told him to skeet skeet all over my chest. And that's what happened. Those are the "nasty slutty teas."
Any questions?
Whits/Mary/Bitch
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Black History Month
Despite "Nipplegate" and the "Bra ha ha" of last Sunday, I've learned that television still is modern society's necessary evil. And it is that time of the year when most of the networks and cable stations pay tribute to African Americans in their own special way.
I viewed the second half of America: Beyond the Color Line with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. last night. I found it to be frustratingly realistic at times. A thirteen year old was making $700 a day slinging drugs in Chicago...and we wonder why he didn't want to go to school!? The message I got: Young black men must learn to delay gratification for education. Part II airs tonight.
I also saw VH1 Goes Inside: Barbershop. It was a surprisingly well produced feature discussing all of the controversy surrounding the film with insider interviews with the cast and crew.
Then VH1 kept me at attention with the Fabulous Life of Lil Kim. For some reason gluttony and materialism is fun to watch. I continued to think about how many bills I could have paid off as each of her toy dogs' minks were displayed across the screen. It also made me think back to America: Beyond the Color Line because those flashy Hip Hop images are what black kids are striving for without realizing that true success is significance not Gucci or Bentley.
I then went back to PBS and caught James Baldwin: The Price of a Ticket. This documentary was an in depth account of the life and activism of a man that was ahead of his time. It also gave a glimpse into what it was like being black and gay at that time. It was quite interesting to see footage of him and his friends in the South of France carrying on and then to hear their emotional tributes on the day that Jimmie died.
Finally, I flipped back to TV ONE to catch 227 in syndication. Ain't nothing like Mary, Rose, Saundra, and Pearl reading each other on that stoop.
I can't wait to get home and see what's on TV tonight.
Despite "Nipplegate" and the "Bra ha ha" of last Sunday, I've learned that television still is modern society's necessary evil. And it is that time of the year when most of the networks and cable stations pay tribute to African Americans in their own special way.
I viewed the second half of America: Beyond the Color Line with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. last night. I found it to be frustratingly realistic at times. A thirteen year old was making $700 a day slinging drugs in Chicago...and we wonder why he didn't want to go to school!? The message I got: Young black men must learn to delay gratification for education. Part II airs tonight.
I also saw VH1 Goes Inside: Barbershop. It was a surprisingly well produced feature discussing all of the controversy surrounding the film with insider interviews with the cast and crew.
Then VH1 kept me at attention with the Fabulous Life of Lil Kim. For some reason gluttony and materialism is fun to watch. I continued to think about how many bills I could have paid off as each of her toy dogs' minks were displayed across the screen. It also made me think back to America: Beyond the Color Line because those flashy Hip Hop images are what black kids are striving for without realizing that true success is significance not Gucci or Bentley.
I then went back to PBS and caught James Baldwin: The Price of a Ticket. This documentary was an in depth account of the life and activism of a man that was ahead of his time. It also gave a glimpse into what it was like being black and gay at that time. It was quite interesting to see footage of him and his friends in the South of France carrying on and then to hear their emotional tributes on the day that Jimmie died.
Finally, I flipped back to TV ONE to catch 227 in syndication. Ain't nothing like Mary, Rose, Saundra, and Pearl reading each other on that stoop.
I can't wait to get home and see what's on TV tonight.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Wait a Minute--Ray J
How long should two people date before beginning a relationship? Does the fact that I am posing the question give me my answer? I have been going back and forth with this issue for a while now...to no avail.
After an intoxicating night at Club Colours on Friday, "Last Call" was finally announced. The DJ played Alicia's "You Don't Know My Name" as a wind down. And Ol' Piece approached me.
Ol' Piece: I'm leaving.
Me: Okay
He looks away but still stands in front of me.
Me: Umm...Do you want me to walk you out?
Ol' Piece: Yes
I follow him to his car. It's approximately 42 degrees outside with a slight breeze.
Me: It's cold.
We get into his car.
Ol' Piece: You feeling your cocktail, huh?
Me: What!?
Ol' Piece: You act different when you drink.
Me: You were watching me?
Ol' Piece: Yeah, I knew where you were at all times.
I began to remember all of the people I talked to...all of the dances I had.
Me: (laughter) You want me to be your boyfriend?
Ol' Piece: Yes
Me: (laughter...then a kiss)
Since that night, Ol' Piece and I have had numerous conversations about whether or not we should take it to the next level. I don't think that I'm ready. It's only been two and a half months since my last perilous relationship. And Ol' Piece and I are still within a power struggle, which is working my last nerve! He says my mouth can be viscious and venomous. He's right. It's due, in part, to what I had to deal with with TheEx. However, I see that he's being as patient as possible. We both have quite a few issues that need to be worked out. But for now, I can only hope that he be steadfast and unmovable until I am ready to let him in.
How long should two people date before beginning a relationship? Does the fact that I am posing the question give me my answer? I have been going back and forth with this issue for a while now...to no avail.
After an intoxicating night at Club Colours on Friday, "Last Call" was finally announced. The DJ played Alicia's "You Don't Know My Name" as a wind down. And Ol' Piece approached me.
Ol' Piece: I'm leaving.
Me: Okay
He looks away but still stands in front of me.
Me: Umm...Do you want me to walk you out?
Ol' Piece: Yes
I follow him to his car. It's approximately 42 degrees outside with a slight breeze.
Me: It's cold.
We get into his car.
Ol' Piece: You feeling your cocktail, huh?
Me: What!?
Ol' Piece: You act different when you drink.
Me: You were watching me?
Ol' Piece: Yeah, I knew where you were at all times.
I began to remember all of the people I talked to...all of the dances I had.
Me: (laughter) You want me to be your boyfriend?
Ol' Piece: Yes
Me: (laughter...then a kiss)
Since that night, Ol' Piece and I have had numerous conversations about whether or not we should take it to the next level. I don't think that I'm ready. It's only been two and a half months since my last perilous relationship. And Ol' Piece and I are still within a power struggle, which is working my last nerve! He says my mouth can be viscious and venomous. He's right. It's due, in part, to what I had to deal with with TheEx. However, I see that he's being as patient as possible. We both have quite a few issues that need to be worked out. But for now, I can only hope that he be steadfast and unmovable until I am ready to let him in.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Eating habits...
Breakfast
I'm driving and checking voicemail while sipping on fruit punch on my way to work.
Claire from SprintPCS: You have two new messages. First new message:
Gianni: Yeah...Where are you? I've just checked into my hotel. About to have breakfast and then stop by a trunk show at Versace in South Beach. Call it!
Why is one of my best friends on an abrupt vacation in Miami with a mystery man!? Scandalous!? This leaves me to hold it down in Atlanta all by myself this weekend. What am I gon' do!?
Lunch
I am on my cellphone with Ol' Piece as I walk in the door of Dusty's Barbecue. Three Asian guys (one with cornrows) and a black guy are seated near the "To Go Orders" counter and they hold strong eye contact as I approach them and the waiter behind the register. I know my 6'4, 175lb frame dressed in a vintage Camel jacket and Diesel jeans carries a bit of a presence with it. But, being gay, I've also learned to hold stares out of the need to know what the other person (people) are giving. Is it time for me to buck up and dare a bitch to get on my level? Or is it simply nature's force of attraction--gaydar? I held my stare as long as I could until I was at the service counter. It would have required me to walk backwards if I wanted to remain at attention. And that wouldn't have been too cute. So, I do all of this while continuing a conversation on my cell phone. Then I get to the counter and place my order. I can feel all eight eyeballs piercing my latissimus dorsi. I attempt to manage three conversations simultaneously (Ol' Piece, Waiter, Table of Four).
Me to Ol' Piece: Hold on.
Me to Waiter: Can I get a shredded pork sandwich with fries and a large Coke?
Me to Ol' Piece: I really don't feel I owe you any obligation into telling you of my whereabouts last night.
Table of Four: incomprehensible chatter...Yeah he's gay. His shoes match his jacket. more incomprehensible chatter
I turn around (cell phone to ear) and face the table while making full eye contact. Their conversation ceases. They begin to talk amongst themselves as their food arrives. I walk to the adjacent table in front of them and take a seat to wait on my "To Go" order. I discreetly observe their demeanor and conclude that they're probably straight and simply making commentary just as I do when I'm with my friends. No need to go all Stonewall!! However, this is the attention that I love.
Dinner
I am going home to watch Oprah's Birthday Bash for the fourth time. I will hold up a glass and toast along with John Travolta and Gayle King. I will sit there with whatever fast food I pick up (probably Popeyes) on my way home and celebrate again and again and again. Happy Birthday, Oprah!
Breakfast
I'm driving and checking voicemail while sipping on fruit punch on my way to work.
Claire from SprintPCS: You have two new messages. First new message:
Gianni: Yeah...Where are you? I've just checked into my hotel. About to have breakfast and then stop by a trunk show at Versace in South Beach. Call it!
Why is one of my best friends on an abrupt vacation in Miami with a mystery man!? Scandalous!? This leaves me to hold it down in Atlanta all by myself this weekend. What am I gon' do!?
Lunch
I am on my cellphone with Ol' Piece as I walk in the door of Dusty's Barbecue. Three Asian guys (one with cornrows) and a black guy are seated near the "To Go Orders" counter and they hold strong eye contact as I approach them and the waiter behind the register. I know my 6'4, 175lb frame dressed in a vintage Camel jacket and Diesel jeans carries a bit of a presence with it. But, being gay, I've also learned to hold stares out of the need to know what the other person (people) are giving. Is it time for me to buck up and dare a bitch to get on my level? Or is it simply nature's force of attraction--gaydar? I held my stare as long as I could until I was at the service counter. It would have required me to walk backwards if I wanted to remain at attention. And that wouldn't have been too cute. So, I do all of this while continuing a conversation on my cell phone. Then I get to the counter and place my order. I can feel all eight eyeballs piercing my latissimus dorsi. I attempt to manage three conversations simultaneously (Ol' Piece, Waiter, Table of Four).
Me to Ol' Piece: Hold on.
Me to Waiter: Can I get a shredded pork sandwich with fries and a large Coke?
Me to Ol' Piece: I really don't feel I owe you any obligation into telling you of my whereabouts last night.
Table of Four: incomprehensible chatter...Yeah he's gay. His shoes match his jacket. more incomprehensible chatter
I turn around (cell phone to ear) and face the table while making full eye contact. Their conversation ceases. They begin to talk amongst themselves as their food arrives. I walk to the adjacent table in front of them and take a seat to wait on my "To Go" order. I discreetly observe their demeanor and conclude that they're probably straight and simply making commentary just as I do when I'm with my friends. No need to go all Stonewall!! However, this is the attention that I love.
Dinner
I am going home to watch Oprah's Birthday Bash for the fourth time. I will hold up a glass and toast along with John Travolta and Gayle King. I will sit there with whatever fast food I pick up (probably Popeyes) on my way home and celebrate again and again and again. Happy Birthday, Oprah!
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
I'm a Punk under pressure...Put dat money on the dresser!--Katey Red
Back in 1996, I moved from Atlanta to New Orleans for undergrad and became addicted to New Orleans BOUNCE music. It was totally different from the booty shake that I had profusely sweated to at every junior high afterschool dance and then once again at Junior/Senior Prom. This new phenomenon contained chants, call and response, and strict choreography for most of the cuts. I definitely remember my "What the f*ck!?!" moments at every Greek party or club I visited. People were lined up on the floor dancing, i.e. "wobbling, titty bopping, monkeying on a stick" in total syncopation to the rhythm of the music. So, of course after about 6 months, I was hooked. This was also the same time at which Master P and No Limit blew up. So as a newfound New Orleans resident, I immersed myself in the musical stylings within the local scene. And it didn't hurt that Mercedes and Kane and Abel were fellow (former) students at the time.
One of the most gagging moments of my college days was an exciting revelation about one of New Orleans most popular local artists. With BOUNCE music, the beat typically drove the song for me. I was definitely conscious of a voice spitting lyrics, however I seldom took the opportunity to comprehend those lyrics. They were simply phrases serving as musical accompaniment.
Katey Red is a dick sucka//Katey Red is a dick sucka
Um a ho, I know um a ho//Um a ho, I know um a ho
I remember stopping and thinking about what my mouth was saying while my body was bouncing from side to side. This girl sure is nasty!? Then, after careful analysis of that particular song and a subsequent follow up, the epiphanic moment hit.
Katey Red is transgender.
So as I reminisced on that moment, I decided to investigate more. I was surprised to see Katey referenced in so many articles and websites around the world. Kudos!
Check out this BOUNCE music documentary film coming soon featuring Katey Red.
Back in 1996, I moved from Atlanta to New Orleans for undergrad and became addicted to New Orleans BOUNCE music. It was totally different from the booty shake that I had profusely sweated to at every junior high afterschool dance and then once again at Junior/Senior Prom. This new phenomenon contained chants, call and response, and strict choreography for most of the cuts. I definitely remember my "What the f*ck!?!" moments at every Greek party or club I visited. People were lined up on the floor dancing, i.e. "wobbling, titty bopping, monkeying on a stick" in total syncopation to the rhythm of the music. So, of course after about 6 months, I was hooked. This was also the same time at which Master P and No Limit blew up. So as a newfound New Orleans resident, I immersed myself in the musical stylings within the local scene. And it didn't hurt that Mercedes and Kane and Abel were fellow (former) students at the time.
One of the most gagging moments of my college days was an exciting revelation about one of New Orleans most popular local artists. With BOUNCE music, the beat typically drove the song for me. I was definitely conscious of a voice spitting lyrics, however I seldom took the opportunity to comprehend those lyrics. They were simply phrases serving as musical accompaniment.
Katey Red is a dick sucka//Katey Red is a dick sucka
Um a ho, I know um a ho//Um a ho, I know um a ho
I remember stopping and thinking about what my mouth was saying while my body was bouncing from side to side. This girl sure is nasty!? Then, after careful analysis of that particular song and a subsequent follow up, the epiphanic moment hit.
Katey Red is transgender.
So as I reminisced on that moment, I decided to investigate more. I was surprised to see Katey referenced in so many articles and websites around the world. Kudos!
Check out this BOUNCE music documentary film coming soon featuring Katey Red.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
This is just a test!
Bernie and Ronn took a pop quiz...
1. Do you expect to receive a Valentine's Day wish from someone special this year?
No...not really. F*ck St. Valentine!! Great expectations create major disappointment. Not really my type of holiday anyway.
2. What is the biggest fib you've ever put on a resume?
Never that...would HATE to be exposed and/or fired for something like that. You know your coworkers would talk about you for life. And what would I tell my Mama? Plus, I have worked for a world famous soft drink company who has pulled people out of training to get "clarifications" on resumes and applications.
3. Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic about your financial future in 2004?
Definitely optimistic. Currently cleaning up my credit and eliminating superfluous spending as I type this. However, as soon as I consider student loans pessimism finds her way back into my life.
4. Which of the following would you most like to be, and why:
a. A famous artist or entertainer
b. A world class athlete
c. A wealthy business owner.
d. An influential politician or community leader
D, as an influential politician or community leader I can expect to have some sense of fame like A and wealth like C. Athleticism is limited to youth.
5. Have you ever engaged in a sexual act (including masturbation) at a place where you worked?
Never that...time will tell though. I'm discreetly open to it.
6. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? How many and where?
4 piercings...3 in ears and one in the tongue. Rarely do I wear any of them anymore. It was just a phase! Please forgive me!
7. What did you eat the last time you had a late night hunger craving?
A left over fried chicken thigh with crimson Louisiana hot sauce dripping ever so delicately.
8. Do you know for whom you'll be voting for president, either in a primary or the general election?
Nope...I've only been lazily reading liberal political blogs, listening to Tavis, Bill Maher, and the occasional CNN or FoxNews report to make an educated decision.
9. The Super Bowl is this weekend. Will you watch for the game, the halftime show or the commercials?
I will be watching for Beyonce's rendition of the National Anthem and Janet Jackson's half time performance only. That sounds SO gay!? I could seriously careless about the game. I will look for a party or go to ESPN Zone for the hype though.
10. If either were to come your way today, which would be more welcome; a check for $200 or two hours of hot, sweaty, butt nekkid sex?
$200 fo sho!! I can get "hot, sweaty, butt nekkid sex" easily!
Bernie and Ronn took a pop quiz...
1. Do you expect to receive a Valentine's Day wish from someone special this year?
No...not really. F*ck St. Valentine!! Great expectations create major disappointment. Not really my type of holiday anyway.
2. What is the biggest fib you've ever put on a resume?
Never that...would HATE to be exposed and/or fired for something like that. You know your coworkers would talk about you for life. And what would I tell my Mama? Plus, I have worked for a world famous soft drink company who has pulled people out of training to get "clarifications" on resumes and applications.
3. Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic about your financial future in 2004?
Definitely optimistic. Currently cleaning up my credit and eliminating superfluous spending as I type this. However, as soon as I consider student loans pessimism finds her way back into my life.
4. Which of the following would you most like to be, and why:
a. A famous artist or entertainer
b. A world class athlete
c. A wealthy business owner.
d. An influential politician or community leader
D, as an influential politician or community leader I can expect to have some sense of fame like A and wealth like C. Athleticism is limited to youth.
5. Have you ever engaged in a sexual act (including masturbation) at a place where you worked?
Never that...time will tell though. I'm discreetly open to it.
6. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? How many and where?
4 piercings...3 in ears and one in the tongue. Rarely do I wear any of them anymore. It was just a phase! Please forgive me!
7. What did you eat the last time you had a late night hunger craving?
A left over fried chicken thigh with crimson Louisiana hot sauce dripping ever so delicately.
8. Do you know for whom you'll be voting for president, either in a primary or the general election?
Nope...I've only been lazily reading liberal political blogs, listening to Tavis, Bill Maher, and the occasional CNN or FoxNews report to make an educated decision.
9. The Super Bowl is this weekend. Will you watch for the game, the halftime show or the commercials?
I will be watching for Beyonce's rendition of the National Anthem and Janet Jackson's half time performance only. That sounds SO gay!? I could seriously careless about the game. I will look for a party or go to ESPN Zone for the hype though.
10. If either were to come your way today, which would be more welcome; a check for $200 or two hours of hot, sweaty, butt nekkid sex?
$200 fo sho!! I can get "hot, sweaty, butt nekkid sex" easily!
Monday, January 26, 2004
Let Freedom Ring!
The Fab Ones (TheMost, Gianni, TheScroller and myself) enjoyed quite a festive weekend celebrating and honoring the good Reverend Doctor two weekends ago. It became quite overwhelming at times.
Friday: From Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport to my apartment (Change Clothes...and Go...) to Club Colours in an hour and a half. Club was crazy packed. I got to meet TheMost's newest NYC friends who were also in town. Gianni acted suspiciously possessive of one of his pieces/dates who was in attendance as well. TheScroller met a cute Bronx boricua and disappeared into the night. I reaquainted myself with TheHobbit whom I met at a New Year's party in the Cascades. We kissed and exchanged numbers before leaving that night.
Saturday: The Fab Ones supported Gianni as he was the photographic model featured in the opening of an art exhibit at the Hammond House Galleries in the West End. I must go to more gallery openings featuring black art/artists. It's Bohemian rhapsody at it's best! From there we went to the Fulton Cotton Mill Lofts for a party in which The Ex was in attendance. Suffice it to say, we didn't stay there long. Plus the tacky and ignorant host was CHARGING for cocktails. Hmph!? Finally, we ended up at the B2B party at Spice. I ended up going home with TheHobbit for one ol' impromptu session.
Sunday: Brunch at IHOP. Then a stroll through Lil' 5 Points for phrase t-shirts, i.e. "Soul Brother" and two hours at the neighborhood Target store. (Change clothes...and Go...) Arrived at a jam packed Lion's Den. Ran into a FORMER friend who used to be a part of The Fab Ones, however it has been over two years since any of the current members have seen or wanted to hear from him. It's interesting to watch the non verbals of the guilty and defeated...arms folded...no eye contact...typical avoidance behavior. Karma is a muthaf*cka! And the silent presence of the surviving four has to be the deadliest weapon of revenge. There was no need for a brawl! We also saw Rah Digga kill it on stage and then Fire Marshall Bill shut it on down.
Monday: TheMost and I went to the King Center to pay homage and respect to the man that helped make it all possible.
How festive...
The Fab Ones (TheMost, Gianni, TheScroller and myself) enjoyed quite a festive weekend celebrating and honoring the good Reverend Doctor two weekends ago. It became quite overwhelming at times.
Friday: From Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport to my apartment (Change Clothes...and Go...) to Club Colours in an hour and a half. Club was crazy packed. I got to meet TheMost's newest NYC friends who were also in town. Gianni acted suspiciously possessive of one of his pieces/dates who was in attendance as well. TheScroller met a cute Bronx boricua and disappeared into the night. I reaquainted myself with TheHobbit whom I met at a New Year's party in the Cascades. We kissed and exchanged numbers before leaving that night.
Saturday: The Fab Ones supported Gianni as he was the photographic model featured in the opening of an art exhibit at the Hammond House Galleries in the West End. I must go to more gallery openings featuring black art/artists. It's Bohemian rhapsody at it's best! From there we went to the Fulton Cotton Mill Lofts for a party in which The Ex was in attendance. Suffice it to say, we didn't stay there long. Plus the tacky and ignorant host was CHARGING for cocktails. Hmph!? Finally, we ended up at the B2B party at Spice. I ended up going home with TheHobbit for one ol' impromptu session.
Sunday: Brunch at IHOP. Then a stroll through Lil' 5 Points for phrase t-shirts, i.e. "Soul Brother" and two hours at the neighborhood Target store. (Change clothes...and Go...) Arrived at a jam packed Lion's Den. Ran into a FORMER friend who used to be a part of The Fab Ones, however it has been over two years since any of the current members have seen or wanted to hear from him. It's interesting to watch the non verbals of the guilty and defeated...arms folded...no eye contact...typical avoidance behavior. Karma is a muthaf*cka! And the silent presence of the surviving four has to be the deadliest weapon of revenge. There was no need for a brawl! We also saw Rah Digga kill it on stage and then Fire Marshall Bill shut it on down.
Monday: TheMost and I went to the King Center to pay homage and respect to the man that helped make it all possible.
How festive...
Whose Hip Hop is it anyway?
Here's an interesting article on the efforts of the Hip Hop Generation in keeping Dr. King's legacy alive. The web links are impressive and worthy of perusal.
On Hip Hop and Human Rights...
By: Tchaiko Omawale
Mainstream media loves Dr. King`s "I have a dream" speech. The desire to portray Dr. King as a "safe" pacifist Black man who simply wanted Blacks and Whites to come together is inaccurate. Dr. King also protested the Vietnam War and, in the "I have a dream" speech, spoke of police brutality, unjust imprisonment, and warned that "1963 is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual."
Decades later, it seems the nation has returned to business as usual. It might be argued that we have more Blacks in positions of power than ever before: in government, the private sector and especially with hip hop becoming a billion-dollar industry. However, for people of color in the U.S., police brutality is still a problem, schools are still largely segregated with sub-standard education levels, the prison population is exploding especially with non-violent offenders, and HIV/AIDS is ravaging the Black and Latino populations. Not only has the call for civil rights not been answered but the neglect of human rights has also come to the forefront of the injustices of this government.
Unfortunately, the older generation frequently sees the hip-hop generation as having reversed the gains of the civil rights movement. Publicly, the Sit-In generation has attacked figures in hip-hop music for using the "N" word and portraying negative images in the media. However, this is only a small section of the hip-hop generation, and even those being attacked deserve more respect and understanding, as the world we live in is far more complex than it was in the `60s. The hip-hop generation is neither resting nor tranquil. Instead, we are struggling to resist injustice in our own ways.
To constructively criticize the hip-hop generation, understanding the world we live in is essential. The world has shrunk with advances in the Internet and other communication tools. The current generation`s struggle is not as simple as Black and White getting along, or Blacks getting the same treatment as the few, rich White men in power, but is layered with issues around globalization, homophobia, sexism and an America that has become expert in hiding its injustices by using the very people it is racist and unjust towards. One example is seen in ads run in 2003 by the U.S. army in hip-hop Source magazine that attempted to recruit black teens. The army used hip-hop imagery to seem cool, to entice teens to fight for a country that has failed to secure their basic human right to education and health care and increasingly imprisons them for non-violent crimes of poverty.
Increased individualism is another consequence of our technological world; however, the struggle to survive and uplift community still remains as it did in the civil rights era. Consider commercial rapper Jay-Z, who says, "Truth be told … I wanna rhyme like Common Sense (But I did five Mil) … We as rappers must decide what`s most important and I can`t help the poor if I`m one of them. So I got rich and gave back. To me that`s the win, win." Jay-Z has chosen his own way of giving back, using money from his lyrics.
On the other side, you have rappers such as Dead Prez who advocate revolutionary actions reminiscent of the Black Panthers. Dead Prez are members of the National People`s Democratic Uhuru Movement and have participated in countless political events and panels. M1 of Dead Prez sits on the advisory board of a new organization called H2Ed a Hip Hop Education Program along with several other hip-hop figures such as Danny Hoch from the Hip Hop Theatre festival.
H2Ed uses hip-hop culture as a tool for educational reform. So while the music industry remains the focus of criticism, it should be known that there are scores of other youth who are struggling to uphold Dr. King`s message. Many young people who don`t have Jay-Z`s millions choose community-organizing as their way of giving back. The global village of this generation consists of identities beyond Black and White-Latino, immigrant, homosexual-and thus organizing platforms follow these multiple identities.
Youth-led Prison Moratorium Project has a multi-ethnic staff and is a part of the Drop the Rock Campaign, which fights to bring down the Rockefeller drug laws. The group`s grassroots collaborative work encouraged Russell Simmons to organize rappers such as Puffy, Jay-Z and Memphis Bleek to protest the unjust laws that disproportionately imprison Blacks and Latinos for non-violent offenses. Hip-hop music both "conscious" and "commercial" is used to empower and educate other young people.
This generation has also produced a mighty force of justice fighters for non-traditional issues in non-traditional ways. Caushun, the first openly gay rapper, courageously rhymes about his sexuality. HIV/AIDS is the number-one killer among certain demographics in the Black and Latino community. In the world, it is the modern-day plague. AIDS specialists cite homophobia as one of the factors involved in the epidemic and Caushun`s sexual openness is revolutionary in these times.
Highlighting the positive actions of the hip-hop generation is in no way an attempt to portray us as being perfect. There is room for improvement, and contradictions do exist in our movement. It's important to understand that the act of recognizing these contradictions in a non-judgmental way is freeing, and an analysis of this contradiction is progressive and political. The goal for the hip-hop and the Sit-In generation, whose legacy we do uphold, should be respectful discussions, outside of the courtrooms, because we have much to learn from each other. And as the old cliché goes, united we stand and divided we fall.
For more information on Youth activists check out the Future 500 website.
Tchaiko Omawale, a recent recipient of the Gaea Sea Residency Fellowship for artists working for social change, is the Creative Director and Co-Founder of the Conscious Movements Collective. She has also produced the short narrative film His/herstory on polygamy in Atlanta, which is now featured in several national and international film festivals.
Here's an interesting article on the efforts of the Hip Hop Generation in keeping Dr. King's legacy alive. The web links are impressive and worthy of perusal.
On Hip Hop and Human Rights...
By: Tchaiko Omawale
Mainstream media loves Dr. King`s "I have a dream" speech. The desire to portray Dr. King as a "safe" pacifist Black man who simply wanted Blacks and Whites to come together is inaccurate. Dr. King also protested the Vietnam War and, in the "I have a dream" speech, spoke of police brutality, unjust imprisonment, and warned that "1963 is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual."
Decades later, it seems the nation has returned to business as usual. It might be argued that we have more Blacks in positions of power than ever before: in government, the private sector and especially with hip hop becoming a billion-dollar industry. However, for people of color in the U.S., police brutality is still a problem, schools are still largely segregated with sub-standard education levels, the prison population is exploding especially with non-violent offenders, and HIV/AIDS is ravaging the Black and Latino populations. Not only has the call for civil rights not been answered but the neglect of human rights has also come to the forefront of the injustices of this government.
Unfortunately, the older generation frequently sees the hip-hop generation as having reversed the gains of the civil rights movement. Publicly, the Sit-In generation has attacked figures in hip-hop music for using the "N" word and portraying negative images in the media. However, this is only a small section of the hip-hop generation, and even those being attacked deserve more respect and understanding, as the world we live in is far more complex than it was in the `60s. The hip-hop generation is neither resting nor tranquil. Instead, we are struggling to resist injustice in our own ways.
To constructively criticize the hip-hop generation, understanding the world we live in is essential. The world has shrunk with advances in the Internet and other communication tools. The current generation`s struggle is not as simple as Black and White getting along, or Blacks getting the same treatment as the few, rich White men in power, but is layered with issues around globalization, homophobia, sexism and an America that has become expert in hiding its injustices by using the very people it is racist and unjust towards. One example is seen in ads run in 2003 by the U.S. army in hip-hop Source magazine that attempted to recruit black teens. The army used hip-hop imagery to seem cool, to entice teens to fight for a country that has failed to secure their basic human right to education and health care and increasingly imprisons them for non-violent crimes of poverty.
Increased individualism is another consequence of our technological world; however, the struggle to survive and uplift community still remains as it did in the civil rights era. Consider commercial rapper Jay-Z, who says, "Truth be told … I wanna rhyme like Common Sense (But I did five Mil) … We as rappers must decide what`s most important and I can`t help the poor if I`m one of them. So I got rich and gave back. To me that`s the win, win." Jay-Z has chosen his own way of giving back, using money from his lyrics.
On the other side, you have rappers such as Dead Prez who advocate revolutionary actions reminiscent of the Black Panthers. Dead Prez are members of the National People`s Democratic Uhuru Movement and have participated in countless political events and panels. M1 of Dead Prez sits on the advisory board of a new organization called H2Ed a Hip Hop Education Program along with several other hip-hop figures such as Danny Hoch from the Hip Hop Theatre festival.
H2Ed uses hip-hop culture as a tool for educational reform. So while the music industry remains the focus of criticism, it should be known that there are scores of other youth who are struggling to uphold Dr. King`s message. Many young people who don`t have Jay-Z`s millions choose community-organizing as their way of giving back. The global village of this generation consists of identities beyond Black and White-Latino, immigrant, homosexual-and thus organizing platforms follow these multiple identities.
Youth-led Prison Moratorium Project has a multi-ethnic staff and is a part of the Drop the Rock Campaign, which fights to bring down the Rockefeller drug laws. The group`s grassroots collaborative work encouraged Russell Simmons to organize rappers such as Puffy, Jay-Z and Memphis Bleek to protest the unjust laws that disproportionately imprison Blacks and Latinos for non-violent offenses. Hip-hop music both "conscious" and "commercial" is used to empower and educate other young people.
This generation has also produced a mighty force of justice fighters for non-traditional issues in non-traditional ways. Caushun, the first openly gay rapper, courageously rhymes about his sexuality. HIV/AIDS is the number-one killer among certain demographics in the Black and Latino community. In the world, it is the modern-day plague. AIDS specialists cite homophobia as one of the factors involved in the epidemic and Caushun`s sexual openness is revolutionary in these times.
Highlighting the positive actions of the hip-hop generation is in no way an attempt to portray us as being perfect. There is room for improvement, and contradictions do exist in our movement. It's important to understand that the act of recognizing these contradictions in a non-judgmental way is freeing, and an analysis of this contradiction is progressive and political. The goal for the hip-hop and the Sit-In generation, whose legacy we do uphold, should be respectful discussions, outside of the courtrooms, because we have much to learn from each other. And as the old cliché goes, united we stand and divided we fall.
For more information on Youth activists check out the Future 500 website.
Tchaiko Omawale, a recent recipient of the Gaea Sea Residency Fellowship for artists working for social change, is the Creative Director and Co-Founder of the Conscious Movements Collective. She has also produced the short narrative film His/herstory on polygamy in Atlanta, which is now featured in several national and international film festivals.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
In a State of 'Embogglement'...
I can't believe it's Thursday already! The Fab Ones (myself and three bestfriends) will all be together for King Weekend or Black Gay Pride II as it has been deemed. Nevertheless, I'll be hosting. Tomorrow night TheMost (formerly TSB) flies in from NYC and TheScroller will be touching down from New Orleans. Gianni and I, the ATL locals, will be the tour guides. I will have to formulate an itinerary, clean up, buy groceries, go to the liquor store and do all of the other hosting duties at the last minute. BOGGLED!!!
I printed out the "How-To" manual to begin the web hosting project. I could take the simpler route and use one of the wackass templates that the site provides...but for that I might as well keep this BlogSpot. Or I could enlist help and get a big league, major playa, first round draft site! I'm thinking I need HELP! BOGGLED!!!
I am fortunate enough to say that I have a really good boss. I think of him as one of my mentors. When I've had the young professional jitters, supervisory squabbles, etc. he has had my back. He sincerely looks out for my best interest. I've gained a wealth of on-the-job training from him. We both met yesterday and he told me that I had been awarded a raise! Yeah baby!--Austin Powers It was promised and expected a while back so I was actually just being informed that it all has been processed with HR. However, today at a staff meeting he announced that he was relocating to Kentucky for a Professorship. It turns out that Wifey thought Atlanta was too urban. Huh!? BOGGLED!!!
Ol' Piece is going to New Orleans for a Volleyball Tournament this weekend. BOGGLED!!!
I will survive!
I can't believe it's Thursday already! The Fab Ones (myself and three bestfriends) will all be together for King Weekend or Black Gay Pride II as it has been deemed. Nevertheless, I'll be hosting. Tomorrow night TheMost (formerly TSB) flies in from NYC and TheScroller will be touching down from New Orleans. Gianni and I, the ATL locals, will be the tour guides. I will have to formulate an itinerary, clean up, buy groceries, go to the liquor store and do all of the other hosting duties at the last minute. BOGGLED!!!
I printed out the "How-To" manual to begin the web hosting project. I could take the simpler route and use one of the wackass templates that the site provides...but for that I might as well keep this BlogSpot. Or I could enlist help and get a big league, major playa, first round draft site! I'm thinking I need HELP! BOGGLED!!!
I am fortunate enough to say that I have a really good boss. I think of him as one of my mentors. When I've had the young professional jitters, supervisory squabbles, etc. he has had my back. He sincerely looks out for my best interest. I've gained a wealth of on-the-job training from him. We both met yesterday and he told me that I had been awarded a raise! Yeah baby!--Austin Powers It was promised and expected a while back so I was actually just being informed that it all has been processed with HR. However, today at a staff meeting he announced that he was relocating to Kentucky for a Professorship. It turns out that Wifey thought Atlanta was too urban. Huh!? BOGGLED!!!
Ol' Piece is going to New Orleans for a Volleyball Tournament this weekend. BOGGLED!!!
I will survive!
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Like Oprah, I am taking ownership of my name...
I have decided to start my own website...or do I mean "web host?" I don't know!? I am new to this ish! (Thanks Donald for the info on 1 and 1.)
I have now spent the last 2 hours or so on the 1 and 1 website trying to figure out what to do. Help me, Jesus! I WILL figure all of this out! This, I swear!
I have decided to start my own website...or do I mean "web host?" I don't know!? I am new to this ish! (Thanks Donald for the info on 1 and 1.)
I have now spent the last 2 hours or so on the 1 and 1 website trying to figure out what to do. Help me, Jesus! I WILL figure all of this out! This, I swear!
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
All the Wiser...
I got all four of my Wisdom Teeth out on Friday. Everyone that I informed prior to surgery belittled the experience. Oh, you'll be alright. It'll heal in about 4-5 days. It's not that bad! F*ck that!! It has been a rough 5 days!!
I should have known when I floated out of the operating chair towards Ol' Piece's arms in a spectacular state of euphoria that there was an opposing physical state lurking right behind happiness. Out of anticipation and fear, we rushed to CVS to get my Hydrocodone prescription filled. By the time I had gotten a smoothie, my face was disfigured and the numbness was disapating. All I know is that it took 2 Advils and 3 Hydrocodone to get me to some form of sanity that night and each day has been a challenge ever since.
I am also surprised that Ol' Piece actually opted to "take care" of me during the recuperation. It gave us an opportunity to REALLY get to know one another. I have self-proclaimed myself as NOT being a "phone-person," (I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know very well. It's awkward.) so I was relieved at the opportunity of us being in one another's presence...talking. In hindsight, it was sort of like a retreat. Just the two of us. Alone. Not going out for entertainment. Creating our own. I think the most important aspect was that none of the time spent together included Sex. That would have ruined the dynamics. It was great, minus the discomfort of the surgery. I would actually recommend and probably try this tactic again in the future. I think I got a lot of issues resolved and questions answered. (Or did I!?)
WAIT...lemme preface this...
I admit that I have my OWN issues with power and control in relationships. And those issues extend into different arenas within the relationship, e.g. sex. Being the bag lady that I hate to be, I have always in the past struggled to get to a state of compromise with the men that I am attracted to over all of this. I am attracted to men who are SO similar to myself that I have a hard time diciphering who is going to get to be me. And of my friends, I seem to be the only one who goes through this issue. For them it tends to be cut and dry...I play this role...they play that role when it comes to the men that they date. But due to my versatility and attraction to such, there is always this "game" being played initially in order to figure one another out. Maybe it's just me playing the game!? I don't know!? Sometimes I feel really crazy when I try to rationalize dysfunctionality.
Back to the story...
Ol' Piece may or may not be a "top." I didn't ask. It would have been rude and irrelevant. However, we had an interesting conversation about the value of sex as an Idea and the value of sex as an Act.
Sex as an Idea:
Ol' Piece - the idea of sex is so important that after four failed relationships due to the partners' infidelity and then giving himself to Hedonism through his recent Summer Sex-capade, he has decided to abstain from sex until he is in a relationship.
Me - the idea of sex is so important that I don't put much emphasis or value in it. To do that would diminish it's beauty. If I decide to abstain (and sometimes I do) that is okay. If I decide to put myself out there and enjoy a taste (and indeed I do) that is okay as well.
Sex as an Act:
Ol' Piece - the act of sex is not that important. It is simple. You just do it. "I don't like too much foreplay."
Me - the act of sex is very important. It is another form of communication. How we do it communicates way more than any word could possibly do. Each embrace, each thrust, every moan, and every quiver.
Interesting...to say the least. I really enjoy getting to know him. We're always agreeing to disagree. But that's okay.
Movies we watched:
Gosford Park
Love Liza
Jeepers Creepers 2
Iron Ladies
Igby Goes Down
I got all four of my Wisdom Teeth out on Friday. Everyone that I informed prior to surgery belittled the experience. Oh, you'll be alright. It'll heal in about 4-5 days. It's not that bad! F*ck that!! It has been a rough 5 days!!
I should have known when I floated out of the operating chair towards Ol' Piece's arms in a spectacular state of euphoria that there was an opposing physical state lurking right behind happiness. Out of anticipation and fear, we rushed to CVS to get my Hydrocodone prescription filled. By the time I had gotten a smoothie, my face was disfigured and the numbness was disapating. All I know is that it took 2 Advils and 3 Hydrocodone to get me to some form of sanity that night and each day has been a challenge ever since.
I am also surprised that Ol' Piece actually opted to "take care" of me during the recuperation. It gave us an opportunity to REALLY get to know one another. I have self-proclaimed myself as NOT being a "phone-person," (I hate talking on the phone with people I don't know very well. It's awkward.) so I was relieved at the opportunity of us being in one another's presence...talking. In hindsight, it was sort of like a retreat. Just the two of us. Alone. Not going out for entertainment. Creating our own. I think the most important aspect was that none of the time spent together included Sex. That would have ruined the dynamics. It was great, minus the discomfort of the surgery. I would actually recommend and probably try this tactic again in the future. I think I got a lot of issues resolved and questions answered. (Or did I!?)
WAIT...lemme preface this...
I admit that I have my OWN issues with power and control in relationships. And those issues extend into different arenas within the relationship, e.g. sex. Being the bag lady that I hate to be, I have always in the past struggled to get to a state of compromise with the men that I am attracted to over all of this. I am attracted to men who are SO similar to myself that I have a hard time diciphering who is going to get to be me. And of my friends, I seem to be the only one who goes through this issue. For them it tends to be cut and dry...I play this role...they play that role when it comes to the men that they date. But due to my versatility and attraction to such, there is always this "game" being played initially in order to figure one another out. Maybe it's just me playing the game!? I don't know!? Sometimes I feel really crazy when I try to rationalize dysfunctionality.
Back to the story...
Ol' Piece may or may not be a "top." I didn't ask. It would have been rude and irrelevant. However, we had an interesting conversation about the value of sex as an Idea and the value of sex as an Act.
Sex as an Idea:
Ol' Piece - the idea of sex is so important that after four failed relationships due to the partners' infidelity and then giving himself to Hedonism through his recent Summer Sex-capade, he has decided to abstain from sex until he is in a relationship.
Me - the idea of sex is so important that I don't put much emphasis or value in it. To do that would diminish it's beauty. If I decide to abstain (and sometimes I do) that is okay. If I decide to put myself out there and enjoy a taste (and indeed I do) that is okay as well.
Sex as an Act:
Ol' Piece - the act of sex is not that important. It is simple. You just do it. "I don't like too much foreplay."
Me - the act of sex is very important. It is another form of communication. How we do it communicates way more than any word could possibly do. Each embrace, each thrust, every moan, and every quiver.
Interesting...to say the least. I really enjoy getting to know him. We're always agreeing to disagree. But that's okay.
Movies we watched:
Gosford Park
Love Liza
Jeepers Creepers 2
Iron Ladies
Igby Goes Down
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Randomly thinking...
* What the Hell are B2K thinking? Is this a family dispute? Aren't they all cousins or something? Why do the least talented ones always wanna pull stunts like this!? Just chill and ride the wave! Just sit back and pretend like you don't care that Omarion is singing all of the lead and starring in ya'lls new movie. Just wait on Chris to distribute dem royalty checks! Establish yourselves a nice savings account and continue to smile and make the girls AND boyz holla!
* Britney, please stop using the media to sell records! I beg you! I'm really sorry if album sales are disappointing. Things'll get better.
* I want Elecia Battle to stop it!
* How dis happened and then you have the audacity to RUN!?
* Interesting...to say the least. No so much Joi, but Truth Hurts!?
* Where is Maxwell?
* Statistics on disparity continue to scare me!
* What the Hell are B2K thinking? Is this a family dispute? Aren't they all cousins or something? Why do the least talented ones always wanna pull stunts like this!? Just chill and ride the wave! Just sit back and pretend like you don't care that Omarion is singing all of the lead and starring in ya'lls new movie. Just wait on Chris to distribute dem royalty checks! Establish yourselves a nice savings account and continue to smile and make the girls AND boyz holla!
* Britney, please stop using the media to sell records! I beg you! I'm really sorry if album sales are disappointing. Things'll get better.
* I want Elecia Battle to stop it!
* How dis happened and then you have the audacity to RUN!?
* Interesting...to say the least. No so much Joi, but Truth Hurts!?
* Where is Maxwell?
* Statistics on disparity continue to scare me!
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Who Can I Run To?--Jones Girls
Shhh
Break it down
I don't want nobody else to hear the sound
This love is a private affair
Interrupt the flow, no you better not dare
Shhh
We got to break it on down--Tevin Campbell
I was so in love with Tevin Campbell in the early 90's. He was my first gay crush. Instinct told me at such a young age that he was me and I was him. I felt hurt and betrayed by the incident in LA, but I forgave him.
me: You didn't have to do that.
tevin: It's hard...See, you just don't understand...I can't be like you.
me: I never asked you to be.
tevin: The industry is so jaded.
me: Live for you, not them.
tevin: I know, I got caught up. The drugs, secrecy, image...
me: (looking at the floor) I guess...
tevin: Things are different for me now. Look at me.
me: (looking up)
tevin: I'm sorry.
That's my fantasy. In reality, the dating game continues...
Jamaica
I have seen Jamaica out at all of the clubs that I frequent. It's funny how I never remembered meeting him and now I see him everywhere that I go. We cordially speak. The phone calls have ceased. I don't think either of us are disappointed. Plus, he's always in somebody's face anyway. And me, likewise. Another one bites the dust...
Baby Boy
Baby Boy calls me incessantly. I stopped answering the phone. I know he continues to call because my absence seems abrupt. When I did answer the phone he was always with his friends and either there was loud music or loud cackling in the background which proved quite annoying. But the honest to God truth is that I cannot handle his age. Intimacy, conversation, and recreation are all challenged because of the age gap. So what's the point in it?
Ol' Piece
"We Meet Again...
We met months ago. We talked. Things became rather standoffish. You saw me out with a date...twice. We stopped speaking. I ran into you again on Saturday. You "lost my number." Now we're reacquainted. Why do you prefer to text message me, rather than call? How do I tell you that I'm "in this situation?" Could we be? Will we ever know? Call me."--HypnotiqOne 9-15-2003
We never did talk after that. I met him once again right before Christmas at Club Colours. The Ol' Piece and I talked throughout the holidays. I explained that I had just gotten out of a relationship, which was the cause for the sporadic communication.
Now we're going through the awkwardness of figuring each other out. I already sense that he might be prone to being inconsiderate, eg. Choosing to go to El Chaparral after The Lion's Den even when I said I didn't want to go and reneging on other plans without prior notice.
In addition, I foresee an issue with sexual preference. I have never dated a "top." To be honest, I was surprised when he insinuated that he was such a thing. When we're "messing around," I try to read his body language, but it gets even more perplexing for me. (I proclaim to be "versatile" to avoid this type of situation.) Nevertheless, "top/bottomism" is about more than who's penis is going in who's ass. There are certain behaviors and beliefs that coexist. When we're "laying up," I want you to acknowledge that I have a dick too and it provides me just as much pleasure as yours does for you. Now touch it, suck it, do something! Stop grinding on me for God's sake! And Boo, it's okay to lay on your back and simply receive my affection. I'm not gonna slip my dick up in you, damn! But I know that too many times men attribute who's fucking who to dominance in the relationship and masculinity/femininity. But I don't believe that! Relax!
Me and Ol' Piece will just continue this power struggle until one of us gives in. And I don't mind "letting him get it," but I won't be comfortable enough until there is a resolution or a compromise about where we both stand relating to sex.
I'll try to bring up the topic tonight. He coaches a girls' volleyball team and they have a game. So I'll be there, like an NBA wife, supporting my man.
Shhh
Break it down
I don't want nobody else to hear the sound
This love is a private affair
Interrupt the flow, no you better not dare
Shhh
We got to break it on down--Tevin Campbell
I was so in love with Tevin Campbell in the early 90's. He was my first gay crush. Instinct told me at such a young age that he was me and I was him. I felt hurt and betrayed by the incident in LA, but I forgave him.
me: You didn't have to do that.
tevin: It's hard...See, you just don't understand...I can't be like you.
me: I never asked you to be.
tevin: The industry is so jaded.
me: Live for you, not them.
tevin: I know, I got caught up. The drugs, secrecy, image...
me: (looking at the floor) I guess...
tevin: Things are different for me now. Look at me.
me: (looking up)
tevin: I'm sorry.
That's my fantasy. In reality, the dating game continues...
Jamaica
I have seen Jamaica out at all of the clubs that I frequent. It's funny how I never remembered meeting him and now I see him everywhere that I go. We cordially speak. The phone calls have ceased. I don't think either of us are disappointed. Plus, he's always in somebody's face anyway. And me, likewise. Another one bites the dust...
Baby Boy
Baby Boy calls me incessantly. I stopped answering the phone. I know he continues to call because my absence seems abrupt. When I did answer the phone he was always with his friends and either there was loud music or loud cackling in the background which proved quite annoying. But the honest to God truth is that I cannot handle his age. Intimacy, conversation, and recreation are all challenged because of the age gap. So what's the point in it?
Ol' Piece
"We Meet Again...
We met months ago. We talked. Things became rather standoffish. You saw me out with a date...twice. We stopped speaking. I ran into you again on Saturday. You "lost my number." Now we're reacquainted. Why do you prefer to text message me, rather than call? How do I tell you that I'm "in this situation?" Could we be? Will we ever know? Call me."--HypnotiqOne 9-15-2003
We never did talk after that. I met him once again right before Christmas at Club Colours. The Ol' Piece and I talked throughout the holidays. I explained that I had just gotten out of a relationship, which was the cause for the sporadic communication.
Now we're going through the awkwardness of figuring each other out. I already sense that he might be prone to being inconsiderate, eg. Choosing to go to El Chaparral after The Lion's Den even when I said I didn't want to go and reneging on other plans without prior notice.
In addition, I foresee an issue with sexual preference. I have never dated a "top." To be honest, I was surprised when he insinuated that he was such a thing. When we're "messing around," I try to read his body language, but it gets even more perplexing for me. (I proclaim to be "versatile" to avoid this type of situation.) Nevertheless, "top/bottomism" is about more than who's penis is going in who's ass. There are certain behaviors and beliefs that coexist. When we're "laying up," I want you to acknowledge that I have a dick too and it provides me just as much pleasure as yours does for you. Now touch it, suck it, do something! Stop grinding on me for God's sake! And Boo, it's okay to lay on your back and simply receive my affection. I'm not gonna slip my dick up in you, damn! But I know that too many times men attribute who's fucking who to dominance in the relationship and masculinity/femininity. But I don't believe that! Relax!
Me and Ol' Piece will just continue this power struggle until one of us gives in. And I don't mind "letting him get it," but I won't be comfortable enough until there is a resolution or a compromise about where we both stand relating to sex.
I'll try to bring up the topic tonight. He coaches a girls' volleyball team and they have a game. So I'll be there, like an NBA wife, supporting my man.
Friday, January 02, 2004
Two Thousand and Four
Can you imagine the Holiday season without drama? I couldn't. But I experienced it. To my surprise, all of my family were on their best behavior. I suppose that this lesson in etiquette is due to the tumultuous fiasco that erupted over Thanksgiving. (I, luckily, was not involved due to a trip to NYC. But I heard about it all!) I would like to think that the "No More Drama-esque" Holiday season was also an effect of my aura of warmth and affection that's just too infectious to be denied by all in my company. My halo's luminescence brightens... I literally hopped from house to house throughout the whole 4 day trip. And ur'body's doing fine...
Mommie Dearest
Moms didn't bring up my "lifestyle" not one time. But I don't know if that's good or bad!? When I first got home, I walked by the television in the den and noticed the complete anthology of Tyler Perry classics.
me: Whatchu know bout Madea?
moms: This is the funniest thing I have ever seen!
me: Who told you about Tyler Perry?
moms: So and so had Madea's Family Reunion and told me to watch it. I have never cried laughing so hard.
me: I'm surprised you like it!
I see the Tyler Perry gospel stage plays as religious satire ("playing church"), drag (Tyler Perry as Madea), and overt sexuality (scantily clad male characters with wanton female counterparts). And these are the last things that I thought would be "funny" to Moms. I guess she's becoming more open minded!?
Young-One
Alex has really grown up. Maybe a little too much. His mother (my aunt) had an after Christmas get together at her house. All of the kids were in Alex's room with the PS2 while he was with all the grown folk gossiping. Periodically, he would go into his room only to return reporting what the other kids were doing. Jay is jumping on my bed. Kory's eating in my room. He's such a cliche--a Tattle Tell.
Nevertheless, I forgot how old Alex was as I began asking him questions about one of his mother's friends, Pretty Boy. I was exiting the door when Pretty Boy and a cute female arrived at the house. He didn't speak. We just looked at each other blankly. It was that look that says, Me: "Who are you? Him: "No, who are you?" The party was a mix of family and my aunt's friends. Neither groups really intermixed, strangely enough. So during one of my trips to the bar for Martell, my Aunt stopped me and introduced me to her friends, including Pretty Boy. The haze was lifted. I laughed and smiled as he referenced old skool samples in the Hip Hip that was playing courtesy of DMX Music. But suffice it to say, he wasn't as eligible as I thought he may have been thanks to all of the intel I got from Alex.
Alex also received the same cell phone that I have from Santa. Why a 10 year old needs a cell phone, I don't know!? And now he calls me every 2-3 days. I have began to let him leave me voicemails...
Alex: Hey, I was just calling to ask you who you thought was crazier Jessica Simpson or Ally Hilfiger? Call me back. Love you.
Sibling Rivalry
My lil' sister opted to go to NYC for Christmas with other family members in hopes that she would return in time to visit Atlanta too. It didn't work out. So I brought my brother and my 18 year old cousin back to Atlanta with me after Christmas. I told myself that I would have a "conversation" with them to see where their headz were at concerning homosexuality. After cappucinoes at Apres Diem, I told them what I wasn't supposed to tell them. And it was met with a settling, "we already know..." Whew! Now let's move on.
Since then, I have probably shared my whole world with them. They met Gianni and Q. I have answered so many FAQ's that I'm ready to retire from being the poster boy.
Once again, the moral of the story is that I should stop being surprised by how people really don't give a f*ck about sexuality if you give them the opportunity to digest it.
All in all, I think that this is going to be a happy new year!
Can you imagine the Holiday season without drama? I couldn't. But I experienced it. To my surprise, all of my family were on their best behavior. I suppose that this lesson in etiquette is due to the tumultuous fiasco that erupted over Thanksgiving. (I, luckily, was not involved due to a trip to NYC. But I heard about it all!) I would like to think that the "No More Drama-esque" Holiday season was also an effect of my aura of warmth and affection that's just too infectious to be denied by all in my company. My halo's luminescence brightens... I literally hopped from house to house throughout the whole 4 day trip. And ur'body's doing fine...
Mommie Dearest
Moms didn't bring up my "lifestyle" not one time. But I don't know if that's good or bad!? When I first got home, I walked by the television in the den and noticed the complete anthology of Tyler Perry classics.
me: Whatchu know bout Madea?
moms: This is the funniest thing I have ever seen!
me: Who told you about Tyler Perry?
moms: So and so had Madea's Family Reunion and told me to watch it. I have never cried laughing so hard.
me: I'm surprised you like it!
I see the Tyler Perry gospel stage plays as religious satire ("playing church"), drag (Tyler Perry as Madea), and overt sexuality (scantily clad male characters with wanton female counterparts). And these are the last things that I thought would be "funny" to Moms. I guess she's becoming more open minded!?
Young-One
Alex has really grown up. Maybe a little too much. His mother (my aunt) had an after Christmas get together at her house. All of the kids were in Alex's room with the PS2 while he was with all the grown folk gossiping. Periodically, he would go into his room only to return reporting what the other kids were doing. Jay is jumping on my bed. Kory's eating in my room. He's such a cliche--a Tattle Tell.
Nevertheless, I forgot how old Alex was as I began asking him questions about one of his mother's friends, Pretty Boy. I was exiting the door when Pretty Boy and a cute female arrived at the house. He didn't speak. We just looked at each other blankly. It was that look that says, Me: "Who are you? Him: "No, who are you?" The party was a mix of family and my aunt's friends. Neither groups really intermixed, strangely enough. So during one of my trips to the bar for Martell, my Aunt stopped me and introduced me to her friends, including Pretty Boy. The haze was lifted. I laughed and smiled as he referenced old skool samples in the Hip Hip that was playing courtesy of DMX Music. But suffice it to say, he wasn't as eligible as I thought he may have been thanks to all of the intel I got from Alex.
Alex also received the same cell phone that I have from Santa. Why a 10 year old needs a cell phone, I don't know!? And now he calls me every 2-3 days. I have began to let him leave me voicemails...
Alex: Hey, I was just calling to ask you who you thought was crazier Jessica Simpson or Ally Hilfiger? Call me back. Love you.
Sibling Rivalry
My lil' sister opted to go to NYC for Christmas with other family members in hopes that she would return in time to visit Atlanta too. It didn't work out. So I brought my brother and my 18 year old cousin back to Atlanta with me after Christmas. I told myself that I would have a "conversation" with them to see where their headz were at concerning homosexuality. After cappucinoes at Apres Diem, I told them what I wasn't supposed to tell them. And it was met with a settling, "we already know..." Whew! Now let's move on.
Since then, I have probably shared my whole world with them. They met Gianni and Q. I have answered so many FAQ's that I'm ready to retire from being the poster boy.
Once again, the moral of the story is that I should stop being surprised by how people really don't give a f*ck about sexuality if you give them the opportunity to digest it.
All in all, I think that this is going to be a happy new year!
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